Humour Quote by Tommy Cooper Download Open image ““I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already.”” — Tommy Cooper ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ 2.1 out of 5 (10 ratings) Copy quoteShare Humour
“Wouldn’t it be wiser to experience the day ahead and savour it, as if it were my last, and postpone for a while my… — William Boyd Copy Share Image
“I shot it back and closed my eyes, considering a trip to the liquor store. But there wasn’t enough whiskey in the universe to… — Jamie McGuire Copy Share Image
“What have you been drinking, anyway?” “Whiskey,” he answered easily, and a short laugh escaped my lips. “Of course. I should have guessed.” “What’s… — Kandi Steiner Copy Share Image
It doesn't matter how many times the audience has heard it before. If it's funny, it's funny. — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
“Two blondes walk into a building. You'd think at least one of them would have seen it.” — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed,… — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius… — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone. — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years. — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
Gambling has brought our family together. We had to move to a smaller house. — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas. — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, "That's… — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
My wife said, 'Take me in your arms and whisper something soft and sweet.' I said, 'chocolate fudge.' — Tommy Cooper Copy Share Image
“law that stated you didn't advertise any event you hadn't attended, any place you'd never been, or any band you didn't really listen to.” — Mhairi McFarlane Copy Share Image
To refer even in passing to unpublished or struggling authors and their problems is to put oneself at some risk, so I will say… — Kingsley Amis Copy Share Image
“Wish in one hand, shit in the other, see which one fills up faster.” — Noelle Oxenhandler Copy Share Image
“Men circle like bees around honey, buzzing to communicate their sexual despair.” — Carla H Krueger Copy Share Image
It goes to show you how we in the press so often miss the big stories that are right under our noses. There is… — Roger Ebert Copy Share Image
“What if," replied Inspector Fry in the same maddeningly curteous tone, "we were all to construct daisy chains and drape them so as to… — Lyndsay Faye Copy Share Image
No woman ever yet either reasoned or acted long together consequentially; but some little thing, some love, some resentment, somepresent momentary interest, some supposed… — Lord Chesterfield Copy Share Image
“Holy shit," somebody muttered in the dark. "A virgin," sputtered another. "I didn't know they still made them." "He just did.” — Larry Kramer Copy Share Image
“True, science has conquered many diseases, broken the genetic code, and even placed human beings on the moon, and yet when a man of… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“John, let me make one thing clear,” Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice. “Every man is blessed with his… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“Life is like yoga; the only way you can enjoy it is by relaxing into any position you happen to find yourself in.” — Jon Wakeham Copy Share Image
