Christmas Quote by Milton Berle Download Open image “My wife wants something foreign for Christmas - like a Mexican divorce.” — Milton Berle ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ 3.8 out of 5 (4 ratings) Copy quoteShare Christmas Divorce Marriage Mexican My wife Want Want something Wife
For me, the most indispensable tool for wrapping presents is a wife. — W. Bruce Cameron Copy Share Image
I'd like a proper traditional wedding - I don't like all that doing it abroad. — Megan McKenna Copy Share Image
“Maria winks at me, takes a mouthful of stuffing, and rolls her eyes in ecstasy. The next forty minutes are a festival of soul… — Stacey Ballis Copy Share Image
Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. — Red Skelton Copy Share Image
I wanted to make 'Mexicana Hermosa.' It's a love song, but it isn't. It's more like a song as if Mexico was the Maria,… — Natalia Lafourcade Copy Share Image
I just want a girlfriend to do holiday shit with then we can be done after new years. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here? — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
According to Domino's head of marketing, whose job we are doing for her right now, quote, "it makes it easy for people to ask… — Peter Sagal Copy Share Image
A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers,… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies. — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
Like every comedian, if I heard a joke that I thought would work, I used it. — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
My sister-in-law found a real surprise in her stockings - my brother. — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired. — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman. — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
The notion of a non-religious Christmas is ridiculous. But so is the insistence on the part of Christians that politicians and retailers carry out… — Rachel Campos-Duffy Copy Share Image
As we are coming to the end of the year, I want you to forget about the past, the failure, the negative thoughts or… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included. — Bernard Manning Copy Share Image
May you have the spirit of Christmas which is Peace, the gladness of Christmas which is Hope, and the Heart of Christmas which is… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
To my future children; you will know the true meaning of Christmas just not you get gifts. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
No sane local official who has hung up an empty stocking over the municipal fireplace is going to shoot Santa Claus just before a… — Al Smith Copy Share Image
Santa Claus has nothing to do with it," the latke said. "Christmas and Hanukah are completely different things." "But different things can often blend… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back. — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
“Why did he hesitate? He finally admitted to himself that he was like an American child who was almost completely certain about Santa Claus,… — Orson Scott Card Copy Share Image
Heaven? Floating about with everyone you ever knew for eternity? Me family does me 'ed in after one day at xmas, I'd rather be… — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
