Attachment-theory Quote by Jeremy Holmes
““Bowlby's conviction that attachment needs continue throughout life and are not outgrown has important implications for psychotherapy. It means that the therapist inevitably becomes an important attachment figure for the patient, and that this is not necessarily best seen as a 'regression' to infantile dependence (the developmental 'train' going into reverse), but rather the activation of attachment needs that have been previously suppressed. Heinz Kohut (1977) has based his 'self psychology' on a similar perspective. He describes 'selfobject needs' that continue from infancy throughout life and comprise an individual's need for empathic responsiveness from parents, friends, lovers, spouses (and therapists). This responsiveness brings a sense of aliveness and meaning, security and self-esteem to a person's existence. Its lack leads to narcissistic disturbances of personality characterised by the desperate search for selfobjects - for example, idealisation of the therapist or the development of an erotic transference. When, as they inevitably will, these prove inadequate (as did the original environment), the person responds with 'narcissistic rage' and disappointment, which, in the absence of an adequate 'selfobject' cannot be dealt with in a productive way.””
About This Quote
Source Book: Attachment Theory and Psychotherapy, Jeremy Holmes, 1995
Attachment needs persist lifelong; therapy often activates suppressed needs, making the therapist an attachment figure, which can trigger both healing and narcissistic reactions if unmet.
In simple terms: Attachment needs last forever; therapy can trigger them.
Recognize and meet attachment needs in therapy.
Themes
Mood
Type
When to use this quote
- individual therapy
- couples counseling
- long‑term mental health care
- handling transference
- managing therapist disappointment
Key Concepts
Questions to Reflect On
- How can therapists safely meet attachment needs without fostering dependency?
- What strategies prevent narcissistic rage when needs are unmet?
If the therapist cannot fulfill these needs, the patient may experience rage and disappointment, limiting progress.