Ambivalent Quote by Jeremy Holmes
““The unconscious operation of the attachment system via internal working models probably plays an important part in the choice of marital partner and relationship patterns in marriage. Holmes (1993) has described a pattern of 'phobic-counterphobic' marriage in which an ambivalently attached person will be attracted to an avoidant 'counter-phobic' spouse in a system of mutual defence against separation anxiety.””
About This Quote
Source Journal article: Attachment theory in marriage, 1993
Attachment styles influence partner selection; an ambivalently attached person may choose an avoidant partner, forming a 'phobic-counterphobic' dynamic to defend against separation anxiety.
In simple terms: People often pick partners whose attachment styles mirror or counter their own, creating protective patterns.
Key Takeaway
Be aware of your attachment style when forming relationships.
Themes
relationships
attachment theory
psychology
Mood
analytical
thoughtful
Type
educational
psychological
When to use this quote
- couples therapy
- self‑assessment of attachment
- relationship counseling
Key Concepts
marital dynamics
defensive mechanisms
Questions to Reflect On
- How does your attachment style affect your partner choices?
- What steps can break the phobic‑counterphobic cycle?
A Different Perspective
Such patterns can reinforce unhealthy cycles if unaddressed.
![“When you 'make good,' you find out who your real friends are. You find out pretty quick. And it's a very ambivalent feeling, because you're, like, happy you found out that people are [jerkfaces], but you're kinda sad because you think, 'Wow, I wasted so much time being this person's friend.'” quote by Greg Camp](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/7ab/greg-camp-64349_ambivalent_when-you-make-good-you-find-out-who-your_126934.jpg)
