Two Very Important Quotes by Bill Engvall

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Bill Engvall has 26 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

• My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties...welcome…
• There's a group in California that wants to make suicide a capital offense punishable by death. That's like punishing someone for being…
• I called my wife up on the cell phone and said baby you aint gonna believe this, i go, we just hit…
• I go "I just want a cup of black coffee." She goes "Do you want to try a biscotti? They're from Italy…
• He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like "there's a golf shot. That's a golf shot."…
• I've come up with the three things you never want to hear at your kid's parent/teacher conference. Number one: 'You're only responsible…
• Ketchup is great on hamburgers, but if some gets on your shirt, that does not make your shirt also a hamburger.
• I might have tried bungee jumping, until I saw that video of that guy whose cord came untied. He didn't know it…
• So finally, on about the fifteenth tee, I hit the drive of my life. And any of you people who play golf,…
• Hat's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already…
• This guy from L.A. sits down next to me, and he says 'you like baseball?' I said, 'Oh, man, I love baseball.'…
• I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.

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