"I hit two trees and fell down a……" — Bill Engvall

"I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge."

— Bill Engvall

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23 Quotes by Bill Engvall

Bill Engvall has 23 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects…
There's a group in California that wants to make suicide a capital offense punishable by death. That's like punishing someone…
I called my wife up on the cell phone and said baby you aint gonna believe this, i go, we…
I go "I just want a cup of black coffee." She goes "Do you want to try a biscotti? They're…
He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like "there's a golf shot. That's a…
I've come up with the three things you never want to hear at your kid's parent/teacher conference. Number one: 'You're…
Ketchup is great on hamburgers, but if some gets on your shirt, that does not make your shirt also a…
I might have tried bungee jumping, until I saw that video of that guy whose cord came untied. He didn't…
So finally, on about the fifteenth tee, I hit the drive of my life. And any of you people who…
Hat's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but…
This guy from L.A. sits down next to me, and he says 'you like baseball?' I said, 'Oh, man, I…
Go 'it wasn't my fault, it was Captain Morgan!' And my wife goes 'Oh, like when Jose Cuervo made you…

See all 23 quotes by Bill Engvall »

More Ditch Quotes

This quote is filed under Ditch Quotes, one of 155 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:

I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as… — Tallulah Bankhead
It's important not to ditch your mates when you're in a relationship. Lots of girls do it, but you need… — Rachel Bilson
I had to fight all my life to survive. They were all against me... but I beat the bastards and… — Ty Cobb
Acting is the hardest job in the entire world. By far. Harder than ditch digging. — Paul Thomas Anderson
There is one certain means by which I can be sure never to see my country's ruin: I will die… — Unknown Author
Ah come on, these streams of light are not so subtle. All along the ditch, signs of life in sinking… — Unknown Author
I imagined a psychic pain growing inside him (myself) that demanded some physical outlet. Suicide must have been his attempt… — Phillip Lopate
If we wish to fight, the enemy can be forced to an engagement even though he be sheltered behind a… — Sun Tzu
Caring is a reflex. Someone slips, your arm goes out. A car is in the ditch, you join others and… — Ram Dass
Good taste is the first refuge of the non creative. It is the last ditch stand of the artist. — Marshall McLuhan
But maybe it's up the hills or under the leaves or in a ditch somewhere. Maybe it's never found. But… — Paul Engle
We need to ditch the idea that there is any value in the strong and silent man being in any… — Jane Powell

See all 155 Ditch Quotes »