Funny Relationship Quotes

164 Funny Relationship quotes by 123 unique authors

In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the… — Unknown Author
Marriage is like a 5,000- piece jigsaw of the sky. — Cathy Ladman
If you really love one another, you will not be able to avoid making sacrifices. — Mother Teresa
Love, honor, and negotiate. — Alan Loy McGinnis
Seek Not Every Quality In One Individual. — Confucius
The woman is increasingly aware that love alone can give her full stature, just as the man begins to discern that spirit alone can endow… — Carl Jung
The more I know about men the more I like dogs. — Gloria Allred
Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox. — Charles M. Schulz
Nothing is more cheerful than talking about our friends' shortcomings. — Mason Cooley
We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks- if we agree with him. — Mark Twain
The General was essentially a man of peace, except in his domestic life. — Oscar Wilde
The appropriate age for marrige is around eighteen and thirty-seven for man — Aristotle
Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas. — Dave Attell
Never marry a man you wouldn't want to be divorced from. — Nora Ephron
What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math. — Mike Birbiglia
I do wanna get married. It just sounds great. You get to go grocery shopping together, rent videos, and the kissing and the hugging and… — Maria Bamford
A man who correctly guesses a woman`s age may be smart, but he's not very bright. — Lucille Ball
My heart's in the right place. I know, 'cuz I hid it there. — Carrie Fisher
It was the love of love, the love of swallows up all else, a grateful love, a love of natural, of people, of animals, a… — William Carlos Williams
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about women is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice… — Jay Leno
When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg. That way, when I sleep, it feels like I'm with a woman. — Garry Shandling
You can always tell when the relationship is over. Little things start getting on your nerves, 'Would you please stop that! That breathing in and… — Ellen DeGeneres
A lot of people wonder how you can tell if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this question: 'Would I mind being financially destroyed… — Ronnie Shakes
I honestly thought my marriage would work because me and the wife did share a sense of humour. We had to really, because she didn't… — Frank Skinner
Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off. — Unknown Author

Who Wrote These Funny Relationship Quotes

123 authors contributed a total of 164 Funny Relationship Quotes, led by these top contributors: