Funny Relationship Quotes

164 Funny Relationship quotes by 123 unique authors

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. — Marcel Proust
I swear, by my life and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man… — Ayn Rand
For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the… — Rainer Maria Rilke
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp. — Joan Rivers
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. — Joan Rivers
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. — Chris Rock
A woman's flattery may inflate a man's head a little; but her criticism goes straight to his heart, and contracts it so that it can… — Helen Rowland
Old age has deformities enough of its own. It should never add to them the deformity of vice. — Eleanor Roosevelt
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to… — Helen Rowland
Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing. — Helen Rowland
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. — Rita Rudner
I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does.… — Rita Rudner
To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.' — Rita Rudner
Life is like a ten speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use. — Charles M. Schulz
I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun. — Arnold Schwarzenegger
My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law. — Jerry Seinfeld
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married? — Barbra Streisand
Love is an endless mystery, for it has nothing else to explain it. — Rabindranath Tagore
To wear your heart on your sleeve isn't a very good plan; you should wear it inside, where it functions best. — Margaret Thatcher
The first duty of love is to listen. — Paul Tillich
If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? — Lily Tomlin
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself. — Mark Twain
A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds. — Mark Twain
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. — Leonardo da Vinci
Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache. — Mae West

Who Wrote These Funny Relationship Quotes

123 authors contributed a total of 164 Funny Relationship Quotes, led by these top contributors: