Funny Relationship Quotes

164 Funny Relationship quotes by 123 unique authors

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an… — Albert Einstein
All diseases run into one, old age. — Ralph Waldo Emerson
The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity, but in being uninteresting. — Ralph Waldo Emerson
Maybe the most that you can expect from a relationship that goes bad is to come out of it with a few good songs. — Marianne Faithfull
Presence is more than just being there. — Malcolm Forbes
People change and forget to tell each other. — Lillian Hellman
Be honest, brutally honest. That is what's going to maintain relationships. — Lauryn Hill
Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is… — William James
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. — Erica Jong
Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. — Carl Jung
They gave each other a smile with a future in it. — Ring Lardner
When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help… — John Lennon
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line. — Oscar Levant
Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them. — Steve Martin
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. — Groucho Marx
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. — Groucho Marx
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt. — Groucho Marx
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. — Groucho Marx
Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species. — W. Somerset Maugham
The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we… — Thomas Merton
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. — Michel de Montaigne
The absolute yearning of one human body for another particular body and its indifference to substitutes is one of life's major mysteries. — Iris Murdoch
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that… — Conan O'Brien
You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap! — Dolly Parton
My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom,… — Paula Poundstone

Who Wrote These Funny Relationship Quotes

123 authors contributed a total of 164 Funny Relationship Quotes, led by these top contributors: