Funny Relationship Quotes

164 Funny Relationship quotes by 123 unique authors

Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. — Charlotte Whitton
I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their intellects. A man cannot be too… — Oscar Wilde
He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends. — Oscar Wilde
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike. — Oscar Wilde
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. — Oscar Wilde
Assumptions are the termites of relationships. — Henry Winkler
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little… — Henny Youngman
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner,… — Henny Youngman
The only true love is love at first sight; second sight dispels it. — Israel Zangwill
It's no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn't even speak to… — Nick Hornby
In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I… — Jane Austen
My first time I jacked off, I thought I'd invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of junk and thought, This is going… — Chuck Palahniuk
When we're incomplete, we're always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find… — Tom Robbins
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. — Robert Bloch
It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up. — Joan Rivers
We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. — Lily Tomlin
I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest… — Mark Twain
I have lost friends, some by death...others by sheer inability to cross the street. — Virginia Woolf
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it. — George Carlin
Women are cursed, and men are the proof. — Roseanne Barr
If Jack's in love, he's no judge of Jill's beauty. — Benjamin Franklin
I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people. — Chelsea Handler
Relationships dont always make sense. Especially from the outside — Sarah Dessen
Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all… — George Eliot
good girls go to heaven and bad girls go everywhere — Helen Gurley Brown

Who Wrote These Funny Relationship Quotes

123 authors contributed a total of 164 Funny Relationship Quotes, led by these top contributors: