Funny Relationship Quotes

164 Funny Relationship quotes by 123 unique authors

It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t — Spike Milligan
When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows. — Unknown Author
The only people who make love all the time are liars. — Louis Jordan
When a man is in love or in debt, someone else has the advantage. — Bill Ballance
You're 40 and he's 22. Do you have to marry him? Couldn't you just adopt him? — Unknown Author
I'm still going on bad dates when by now I should be in a bad marriage. — Laura Kightlinger
Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you get it on your shirt. — Mike Birbiglia
Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no… — Jerry Seinfeld
Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don't you? 'Damn I got to get the hell out of here!… — Dave Attell
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic. — Woody Allen
We talk about the quality of product and service. What about the quality of our relationships and the quality of our communications and the quality… — Max De Pree
It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. — Rick Baker
I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage. — Will Rogers
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. — Benjamin Franklin
Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence. — Erich Fromm
You never really know a man until you have divorced him. — Zsa Zsa Gabor
I never hated a man enough to give him diamonds back. — Zsa Zsa Gabor
If I love you, what business is it of yours? — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
A bachelor's life is no life for a single man. — Samuel Goldwyn
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. — Jilly Cooper
Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice. — Bill Cosby
Trust is the glue of life. It's the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It's the foundational principle that holds all relationships. — Stephen Covey
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. — Rodney Dangerfield
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met. — Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. — Jimmy Durante

Who Wrote These Funny Relationship Quotes

123 authors contributed a total of 164 Funny Relationship Quotes, led by these top contributors: