"What I really need is a woman who……" — Mike Birbiglia

More Funny Relationship Quotes

This quote is filed under Funny Relationship Quotes, one of 164 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:

• Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to… — Richard Bach
• The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner. — Roseanne Barr
• Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one. — Glenn Beck
• Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope. — Josh Billings
• Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla. — Jim Bishop
• Ideally, couples need three lives; one for him, one for her, and one for them together. — Jacqueline Bisset
• A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. — Erma Bombeck
• Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. — Erma Bombeck
• A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest. — Erma Bombeck
• Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. — George Burns
• Don't smother each other. No one can grow in the shade. — Leo Buscaglia
• If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. — George Carlin

See all 164 Funny Relationship Quotes »