All Mike Birbiglia Quotes
- What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math. Funny Relationship
- My friends drink everywhere. They even drink at the laundromat. I tried drinking at the laundromat, and I thought I was in a submarine, navigating… Another Drink
- Sometimes, when you want to be in a place so badly, you'll do anything. Badly
- I didn't realize how good I was with computers until I met my parents. Computer
- The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial. Any
- Does anyone know a word that rhymes with shark? Anyone
- Falling in love is a completely transcendent experience. It's like eating pizza-flavored ice cream Completely
- Sometimes when I do a joke and it doesn't get a lot of laughs, it kind of feels like I'm doing jazz. That's kinda cool… Comedy
- Someone stole my wallet last week. The guy called me up and he was mad at me. He was like 'you gotta get your finances… Call
- I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception. Eat
- ...And so we go and I meet his parents. And it's a very strange thing meeting your girlfriend's boyfriend's parents for the first time. Part… Angry
- Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you get it on your shirt. Bad
- I love Valentine's Day. When you're a kid everyone gets a Valentine. It's like 'TO TIM, NICE PANTS, LOVE SCOTT'. It's Valentines galore! Day
- The one thing you're most reluctant to tell. That's where the comedy is. Comedy
- I shouldn't say bad things about the illiterate, though..I should write it. That way they won't find out. Bad
- I used to think I was a little unstable, and then I met every girl I've ever dated. Dated
- I've read that Steven Wright's style was born out of genuine nervousness, Born
- Every comedian comes to a fork in the road where they have to decide if they're going to make jokes about other people or make… Chose
- I feel that marriage can lead to the ultimate rejection and failure and divorce and things we all fear. All
- You can always tell who went to catholic school, because they're atheists. Always Tell