Fart Quotes
168 quotes by 139 authors
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[When] you're dying laughing because your three-year-old made a fart joke, it doesn't matter what else is going on. That's real happiness.
— Gwyneth Paltrow
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What is like a smelly fart, that, although invisible is obvious? One's own faults, that are precisely As obvious as the effort made to hide…
— 7th Dalai Lama
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Some days I feel like everyone in my world has plugged themselves into my kidney. I'm so tired. But when you're having dinner with your…
— Gwyneth Paltrow
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They didn't trademark everything back then. Now someone farts and they put a TM after it. Even Miller Lite says 'A Fine Pilsner Beer' on…
— Michael Jackson
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The devaluation of music and what it's now deemed to be worth is laughable to me. My single costs 99 cents. That's what a single…
— Vince Gill
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Cumberbatch - it sounds like a fart in a bath, doesn't it? What a fluffy old name. I can never say it on a Monday…
— Benedict Cumberbatch
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As soon as somebody farts around me, I think it's hilarious. This is something my brothers did that now the boys at work are obsessed…
— Jennifer Lawrence
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Let me see if I can put this in scientific terms: Think of autism like a fart, and vaccines are the finger you pull to…
— Jenny McCarthy
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If you eat Chinese food, your farts come out like Chinese food. If you eat Mexican food, your farts come out like Mexican food. And…
— Megan Fox
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At my age, you sort of fart your way into a role.
— Donald Sutherland
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I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.
— Walter Matthau
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I play around with my Japanese Garden. Since Im half way to 70 today I need to start pruning trees and sharpening plants like an…
— Jason Bateman
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I thought the fart was a human thing. It's something to do with like, arse cheeks, or whatever.
— Karl Pilkington
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A dog is not intelligent. Never trust an animal that's surprised by it's own farts
— Frank Skinner
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I'm into paradoxes. I wanted to make an album about them, but the group told me I was a pretentious fart. They were right.
— Brian May
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
— Adam Carolla
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Success is like a fart - only your own smells nice.
— James P. Hogan
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The average pregnant woman farts 15 times that!
— Jessica Simpson
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I have a playlist of farts on my phone.
— Lena Headey
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Heat radiated off Henry's face. Salty snot ran down his upper lip. A majestic fart propelled him to the top of Section 12, just at…
— Chad Harbach
Who Wrote These Fart Quotes
139 authors contributed a total of 168 Fart Quotes, led by these top contributors: