"Paddy was in the delivery room when the……" — Billy Connolly
"Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. "Is this yours?" she asked "probably" said Paddy "she burns everything else""
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Billy Connolly
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75 Quotes by Billy Connolly
Billy Connolly has 75 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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I can't believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher.
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I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.
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Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and…
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When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would…
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So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
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All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers,…
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What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what…
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Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time?
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I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There's no such thing as bad…
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I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go there.
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I’m actually pale blue: it takes me a week of sunbathing to turn white.
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Behind the proscenium arch, you can't always hear what people in the audience are saying.
See all 75 quotes by Billy Connolly »
More Asked Quotes
This quote is filed under Asked Quotes,
one of 5,201 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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Whether if soul did not exist time would exist or not, is a question that may fairly be asked; for…
— Aristotle
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If journalists ask you again and again about the same bands, you'll end up saying you hate them just because…
— Billie Joe Armstrong
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To save your world you asked this man to die; would this man, could he see you now, ask why?
— Wystan Hugh Auden
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On two occasions I have been asked, 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the…
— Charles Babbage
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No, if it was up to me every record would be brand new studio material but Atlantic records asked me…
— Sebastian Bach
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If I were asked to name the chief benefit of the house, I should say: the house shelters day-dreaming, the…
— Gaston Bachelard
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If I was asked to say what was the greatest invention of human beings, I would say the sentence.
— John Banville
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I learned the songs and played the gigs, and then they called me about a month later. They told me…
— Travis Barker
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Why have I been chosen to deliver the message of female intelligence and its divinity to a deaf world of…
— Roseanne Barr
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Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton was the one who asked why.
— Bernard Baruch
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Filibusters have proliferated because under current rules just one or two determined senators can stop the Senate from functioning. Today,…
— Evan Bayh
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Ever since the Greek tragedies, artists have, from time to time, asked themselves how they might influence ongoing political events.
— John Berger
See all 5,201 Asked Quotes »