“I want to leave all my friends and the sunlight for a small, rainy town.” — The Harvard Lampoon Harvard-lampoon Copy Share Image
“Allow me," said the elf, proffering Gimlet's beard to Frito, who was now sneezing uncontrollably.” — The Harvard Lampoon Beard Copy Share Image
“It suddenly occurred to me that, after all that frolicking in the meadows, he hadn't kissed me. Was it because of the… — The Harvard Lampoon Gaze Copy Share Image
“Nice piano," I said. "Do you play?" "oh no, but Edwart does!" Eva Mullen said. "A little," Edwart said sheepishly. "Go ahead,… — The Harvard Lampoon Bell Copy Share Image
“Quick, I told myself. Try to remember what you learned from Jimbo's Self Defence for Young Ladies. Jimbo was a beefy man… — The Harvard Lampoon Humor Copy Share Image
“As soon as we were inside, Edwart's family rushed to greet me. What seemed like thirty people circled me, chattering away. "Oh… — The Harvard Lampoon Belle-goose Copy Share Image
“picked!” I reply. I can’t stand Badge. She’s so stuck-up.” — The Harvard Lampoon Badge Copy Share Image
“I balked. Another vampire? I guess it made sense; the states of the Pacific Northwest were known for their lenient monster laws.” — The Harvard Lampoon Nightlight Copy Share Image
“I had a dejected, brooding expression on my face, and I could tell from the reflection in the window that it was… — The Harvard Lampoon Dejected Copy Share Image
“How about we walk back? Through the cemetery ?' One thing my mom had taught me is that it's difficult to refuse… — The Harvard Lampoon Walk Cemetery Copy Share Image
“Elf-dog," hissed Gimlet, retrieving his beard. "Pig of a dwarf," suggested Legolam. "Toymaker." "Gold-digger.” — The Harvard Lampoon Bored-of-the-rings Copy Share Image
“I had recently come into the possession of a Thesaurus. You would not believe how many words there are! When I opened… — The Harvard Lampoon Books Copy Share Image
“I noticed there was garlic above the doorframe. Edwart held a stake in one hand and a 'Team Jacob' shirt in the… — The Harvard Lampoon Nightlight Copy Share Image
“The two things I look for in a guy is how tall he is and whether or not he's a vampire.” — The Harvard Lampoon Tall Copy Share Image
“Nice one, Catpiss,' he says. That’s not my real name. My name is actually Kantkiss. Kantkiss Neverclean.” — The Harvard Lampoon Actually Copy Share Image
“All of a sudden, he began to laugh. Had I said something funny? Had he? How long had I been spacing out… — The Harvard Lampoon Laughter Copy Share Image
“They all got really quiet and started to lick their lips, closing in on Lucy. I started to lick my lips, too,… — The Harvard Lampoon Belle-goose Copy Share Image
“So all this time you thought I was a vampire? ' Edwart whispered furiously, pulling me a few inches to the left.… — The Harvard Lampoon Animals Copy Share Image
“I took the one letter he had for us. It was from the Switchblade Gas & Electric Company. I didn't know I… — The Harvard Lampoon Humor Copy Share Image
“You should have seen the costumes for the last few prom themes: Pimps and their srteet ho's; CEOs and their office ho's;… — The Harvard Lampoon Edwart-mullen Copy Share Image
“After dinner, Edwart took me upstairs to see his room. At the top of the stairs was a giant wooden cross. "Ironic,… — The Harvard Lampoon Edwart Said Copy Share Image
“ You don't have to hide your natural inclination to boss me around. I want you to feel comfortable with me, Edwart.… — The Harvard Lampoon Bossy Copy Share Image
“And when I have to step in puddles, he lays himself down in the water so I can walk on his back… — The Harvard Lampoon Normal Friend Copy Share Image
“Then, suddenly, I remembered the accident, and Edwart's snow-proof body, and his eyes that changed from I-don't-remember to green, and I knew.” — The Harvard Lampoon Nightlight Copy Share Image
“Rebellion is all we'll be talking about. Love is revolution, a kind of coup d'état and cultural reprogramming in its own little… — The Harvard Lampoon Culture Copy Share Image
“Listen' he whispered ferociously, like a ferocious breeze or a very gentle hurricane.” — The Harvard Lampoon Communication Copy Share Image
