All Robert Benchley Quotes
- I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well. Absolutely
- Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing. Beer
- A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. Around Three
- Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm… Already Stretched
- A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. Animal
- In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children. Airplane
- Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini? Coat
- The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps. Freelance
- Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony. Alcohol
- Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment. Amount
- Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous. Bit
- I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry. Beer
- After an author has been dead for some time, it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers to get a new book out of him each… Author
- Anyone who tries to keep track of what is happening in China is going to end up by wearing all the skin of his left… All
- I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author. Any
- If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from. Came
- The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. Him
- We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born. Born
- A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so… Asked
- An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens. Ardent