Robert Benchley Quotes

89 quotes in 1239 categories

• In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop.
• It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was…
• Nothing makes a man feel older than to hear a band coming up the street and not to have the impulse to rush downstairs and…
• The biggest obstacle to professional writing is the necessity for changing a typewriter ribbon.
• There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.
• There is a note in the front of the volume saying that no public reading may be given without first getting the author's permission. It…
• At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn't money and power in this world, and is casting about for joys that do…
• For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing…
• Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent…
• Other men wear white suits in summer and it doesn't seem to bother them. But my white suit seems to be a little whiter than…
• We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a…
• You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense…
• She sleeps alone at last.
• There may be said to be two classes of people in the world; those who constantly divide the people of the world into two classes…
• A man may take care of a furnace for twenty-five years and still forget to duck his head when he starts going down the cellar…
• This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of…
• England and America should scrap cricket and baseball and come up with a new game that they both can play. Like baseball, for example.
• Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of
• One of the chief duties of the fan is to engage in arguments with the man behind him. This department of the game has been…
• A man of forty today has nothing to worry him but falling hair, inability to button the top button, failing vision, shortness of breath, a…

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