Robert Benchley Quotes

89 quotes in 1239 categories

• There is probably no moment more appalling than that in which the tongue comes suddenly upon the ragged edge of a space from which the…
• The discovery of phobias by psychiatrists has done much to clear the atmosphere. Whereas in the old days a person would say: 'Let's get the…
• But ice-crunching and loud gum-chewing, together with drumming on tables, and whistling the same tune 70 times in succession, because they indicate an indifference on…
• If you look at eggs, you will see that each one is almost round but not quite ... Nature's way of distinguishing eggs from large…
• The Great Arizona Desert is full of the bleaching bones of people who waited for me to start something.
• The pencil sharpener is about as far as I have ever got in operating a complicated piece of machinery with any success.
• A man gets on a train with his little boy, and gives the conductor only one ticket. 'How old's your kid?' the conductor says, and…
• Great literature must spring from an upheaval in the author's soul. If that upheaval is not present then it must come from the works of…
• If you think that you have caught a cold, call in a good doctor. Call in three good doctors and play bridge.
• [Reviewing the New York City Telephone Directory] But it is the opinion of the present reviewer that the weakness of plot is due to the…
• It has always seemed to me that the most difficult part of building a bridge would be the start.
• I haven't been abroad in so long that I almost speak English without an accent now.
• Next to a shot of some good, habit-forming narcotic, there is nothing like travelling alone as a 'builder-upper.
• I can't bring myself to say, 'Well, I guess I'll be toddling along.' It isn't that I can't toddle. It's just that I can't guess…
• Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
• The only cure for a real hangover is death.
• Central Park is the grandiose symbol of the front yard each child in New York hasn't got.
• Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.
• Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of dying, he sings.
• There is something about saying Ok and hanging up the receiver with a bang that kids a man into feeling that he has just pulled…

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