Robert Benchley Quotes

89 quotes in 1239 categories

• Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother who lets him have one
• The problem of what to wear while lolling about the house on a Sunday afternoon is becoming more and more acute as the fashions in…
• If there is a streak of ham anywhere in an actor, Shakespeare will bring it out.
• There is probably no more obnoxious class of citizen, taken end for end, than the returning vacationist.
• A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.
• Breaking the ice in the pitcher seems to be a feature of the early lives of all great men.
• I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine.
• There are several ways to apportion the family income, all of them unsatisfactory.
• The ideal age for a boy to own a dog is between forty-five and fifty.
• Who said time machines haven't been built yet? They already exist. They're called books
• New York - The city where the people from Oshkosh look at the people from Dubuque in the next theater seats and say "These New…
• We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born. We are constantly remarking on the fact that things are done…
• All that a spectator gets out of the game is fresh air, the comical articles in his program, the sight of twenty-two young men rushing…
• One of the easiest forms of pretense to break down is the pretense of enthusiasm for exotic foods. Just bring on the exotic foods.
• The wise man thinks once before he speaks twice.
• Streets flooded. Please advise.
• Work is a form of nervousness.
• You want to go easy on the suicide stuff - first thing you know, you'll ruin your health.
• I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar…
• The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. That remark in itself wouldn’t make any sense if quoted as…

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