All Rita Rudner Quotes
- Most men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now. Book
- Men in high levels of government seldom surf. Government
- I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Annoy
- Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times. Anniversary
- When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. Eventually
- I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. Cult
- Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid. Breasts
- Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry. Better
- I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does.… Bad
- I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. Funny
- To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.' Attract
- Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them. Air
- My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping. Buried
- My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin… Buy
- We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet. Begun
- I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it. Comic
- Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend… Ask
- I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine. Ballet
- In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. Congratulations
- My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to. Boyfriend