“In my career, I've found that only annoying people knock on open doors.” — Matthew Norman Annoying Copy Share Image
“I instantly like people who laugh at my jokes. It's a weakness of mine.” — Matthew Norman Comedy Copy Share Image
“I have to speak carefully now because I have this strange habit of imitating British people without even realizing that I'm doing… — Matthew Norman British people Copy Share Image
“We're all damaged. Every single beautiful, stupid, precious one of us.” — Matthew Norman Damaged Copy Share Image
“Never trust someone who isn’t miserable at least half of the time.” — Matthew Norman Time Copy Share Image
“Married silence is a specific kind of silence, typically one in which the woman goes mute while the man pretends as if… — Matthew Norman Marriage Copy Share Image
“This house has endured three of my Dad's four wives, and so over the last few decades it's been a home-size mood… — Matthew Norman Feminism Copy Share Image
“Gary has made the classic mistake of equating precise cheekbones, perfect breasts, and a vague association with philanthropy as the signs of… — Matthew Norman Failure Copy Share Image
“I don't think -" I begin, but then I stop there. Strangely enough, this sounds like a full, declarative sentence, as if… — Matthew Norman Think Copy Share Image
“After the age of about . . . what, sixteen? We’re all damaged. Every single beautiful, stupid, precious one of us. Damaged, damaged, damaged.” — Matthew Norman Damaged Copy Share Image
“She technically apologized yesterday, but it was one of those married-people apologies, more of a tactical move than anything else, a way… — Matthew Norman Apology Copy Share Image
“You look good," I tell my reflection. "Hot?" But this last part comes out with a question mark at the end. I've… — Matthew Norman Question Copy Share Image
“I think you'll be a great teacher," said Gary. That's his role in my life: blind encourager and ambassador of false senses… — Matthew Norman Cybersecurity Copy Share Image
“Hidden up there behind some branches sits one glaring squirrel. “I don’t know,” I say. “He looks pretty pissed, though.” “Good.” I… — Matthew Norman Squirrel Copy Share Image
“I've been thinking about your Father a lot lately, and I've realized something. I married Gary specifically for the fact that he… — Matthew Norman Father Copy Share Image
“She tells me she’s a certified smeller of books and that that is probably her best quality. “So It Goes.” is tattooed… — Matthew Norman Books Copy Share Image
“That's me, giving myself a tough-love speech. I'm going to start doing that more often, I've decided. One might as well put… — Matthew Norman Communication Copy Share Image
“Whoa," I say. "Look how tall he is." "Actors are always midgets in person," says Brandon, "But writers...they're giants.” — Matthew Norman Actors Copy Share Image
“If my penis were a writer/director, it would be Woody Allen - small, neurotic, and, frankly, hit or miss.” — Matthew Norman Penis-humor Copy Share Image
“When you're having sex again, it makes you wonder why you weren't before. What could possibly have been bad enough to make… — Matthew Norman Having sex Copy Share Image
“Then we lapse into silence. It's these silences that do damage, that reveal glimpses of the distressed foundation struggling under the weight… — Matthew Norman Silence Copy Share Image
“I’m leaning on an old guy trick here, claiming my wife is being a typical irrational woman right as she begins saying… — Matthew Norman Irrational Copy Share Image
“Anna is the sort of woman who writers write about, Tom. Somewhere in the third act, women like her save characters like… — Matthew Norman Anna Copy Share Image
“The most important people in this man's life - the people who have mattered to him most - aren't my Mother or… — Matthew Norman Important Copy Share Image
“She rarely lets me off the hook, holding me to a different standard of emotional intelligence than the other men in her… — Matthew Norman Emotional intelligence Copy Share Image
“Sonya's a real person, like your Mother. Thirty years ago, that was your Mother's biggest flaw in my eyes, and now that's… — Matthew Norman Mother Copy Share Image
“There’s a line in one of my dad’s novels about the most beautiful parts of the female anatomy being the ones that… — Matthew Norman Books Copy Share Image
