All Mark Twain Quotes
- A soiled baby with a neglected nose cannot be conscientiously regarded as a thing of beauty. Baby
- I have achieved my seventy years in the usual way, by sticking strictly to a scheme of life which would kill anybody else....I will offer… Achieved
- Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection. Better
- A marriage...makes of two fractional lives a whole; it gives to two purposeless lives a work, and doubles the strength of each to perform it;… Beauty
- A conspiracy is nothing but a secret agreement of a number of men for the pursuance of policies which they dare not admit in public Admit
- War talk by men who have been in a war is always interesting; whereas moon talk by a poet who has not been in the… Always Interesting
- Remember this, take this to heart, live by it, die for it if necessary: that our patriotism is medieval, outworn, obsolete; that the modern patriotism,… All
- A sin takes on a new and real terror when there seems a chance that it is going to be found out. Chance
- Carlyle said 'a lie cannot live.' It shows that he did not know how to tell them. Cannot Live
- Geniuses are people who dash off weird, wild, incomprehensible poems with astonishing facility, & then go & get booming drunk & sleep in the gutter.… Account
- I am always on the side of the revolutionists, because there never was a revolution unless there were some oppressive and intolerable conditions against which… Conditions
- The moral of it is this: If you are of any account, stay at home and make your way by faithful diligence; but if you… Account
- The silent colossal National Lie that is the support and confederate of all the tyrannies and shams and inequalities and unfairnesses that afflict the peoples… Afflict
- Only laughter can blow [a colossal humbug] to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand. Assault
- I am not an American. I am the American. American
- You should never trust a man who has only one way to spell a word. Man
- True irreverence is disrespect for another man's god. Disrespect
- History has tried hard to teach us that we can't have good government under politicians. Now, to go and stick one at the very head… Go
- Love your enemy, it will scare the hell out of them. Enemy
- If God had meant for us to be naked, we'd have been born that way. Been
- The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad. Abroad
- Priapism is what happens when someone gets strangulated to the point of hypoxia. Funny
- Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat. Cat
- Not until you become a stranger to yourself will you be able to make acquaintance with the Friend. Able
- The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane we should run out… Asylums