Best Lewis Black Quotations
- I get an idea about something. I just start thinking about it, and then I get onstage and I talk about it, and then I… Get Onstage
- I like college football, but I'm a huge college basketball fan. I could sit and watch every game of March Madness and be happy. That… Basketball
- I like indoor Christmas trees. And I like people who decorate their homes with lights and all that crap. I think it's a healthy outlet… All
- I started playing golf when I was a kid, because across the street from where we lived there was a little nine-hole golf course where… Across
- I think comics in New York are interested in being comics. And there're comics in L.A. who are touring comics, who are certainly more interested… Comics
- I've been very lucky. There are guys I know who are really terrific in this business of stand-up who have not gotten the recognition they… Achieve
- I've got stress like anybody else, and it builds up during the day. Like, I'll be trying to do something on the computer, and I'll… All
- If you yell about one woman, you're not a misogynist. If I yell about Michelle Bachman, that doesn't make me a misogynist. If I compare… All
- In Vegas, you have an audience you can't find anywhere else. It's from all over the country. You play Seattle, everyone's from Seattle. But in… All
- It's a big thing now: A lot of people want to be assistants to celebrities. If you're pursuing that, you're an idiot. You're a moron.… Assistants
- My parents are the last of the middle class. My father worked for the government designing sea mines. My mother was a substitute teacher. Together,… Class
- My parents were married for sixty-five years, and I was married for about ten minutes, my first year at Yale Drama School. Something, somehow, didn't… Drama
- No matter what, your parents are going to worry about you. I had a tour bus, and my mother still thought I was broke. Remember:… Bought
- Saying that the Palestinian people aren't really a people - that's not a zany thing to say. That's a psychotic thing to say in the… All
- The thing that makes my generation The Greatest is our ability to hang out. We're spectacular at it. If you take somebody from my generation… Ability
- The worst thing about Halloween is, of course, candy corn. It's unbelievable to me. Candy corn is the only candy in the history of America… Advertised
- What I've found in my career is that 70 to 75 percent of comics are nice and have some sense of social skills, but there… Career
- What makes it difficult for people trying to follow a dream is that the whole time you feel like you're slamming your head against the… Bleeding
- What you don't do, if you're an adult, is decide that you're going to budget things through a sequester. What does that word have to… Adult
- When people come to my act any time after Thanksgiving, I usually say, You shouldn't be here. You should be shopping. Our economy depends on… Act
- When we anticipate, we're the happiest. Unless you're on antidepressants. The reason you take antidepressants is because you can't anticipate. You think everything's going to… Anticipate
- When you're fund-raising for schools, then something's wrong. We seem to have lost some sort of sense of what the common good is, and if… Common
- You look at my audience, and it proves what Congress thinks America is, is wrong. I get people across the political spectrum. Parents and kids… Across
- You're on Facebook, and these people seem to have endless lives. I don't have time to live my life, let alone tell you what I'm… Alone
- There is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bllodeshot eye. Absolutely
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