Jeff Dunham Quotes

26 quotes in 537 categories

• As humans we like to laugh at our fears, we like to whistle in the dark.
• A comedian needs to have his own filters, needs to know his audience, how far he can push things.
• Stand-up comedy is tough right now. Anybody can come to a concert, tape you, and put you up on the Internet. You either fight it…
• But the mechanics of learning to 'throw your voice' are pretty simple. Anyone with a tongue, an upper palate, teeth, and a normal speaking voice…
• I've always said that instead of watching a guy juggle seven things amazingly I would rather see a really bad juggler who's really funny.
• If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
• I used to pick Priuses out of the grill of my Hummer.
• When I was eight years old, I got a dummy for Christmas and started teaching myself. I got books and records and sat in front…
• I've skewered whites, blacks, Hispanics, Christians, Jews, Muslims, gays, straights, rednecks, addicts, the elderly, and my wife. As a standup comic, it is my job…
• I try to make the majority of my audience laugh. That's my audience. They'll laugh at the dead terrorist.
• I'm a geek to the bone.
• Growing up doing those Kiwanis Clubs, doing those Cub Scout banquets, doing those church shows, I learned to find that sensibility that most people could…
• I had a happy, dramafree youth, growing up in an upper-middle-class neighborhood in Dallas, Texas. The only thing that was slightly unusual compared to most…
• In 1980, when I graduated from high school, my goal was to be on 'The Tonight Show' with Johnny Carson at least once before our…
• My mother and my father have always supported me. Now in their eighties, they actually clamor onto the tour bus with me once or twice…
• The best place to find material is in real life. I've always maintained that it's not until the mid-20s that you have enough of a…
• The only way a ventriloquist speaks differently is that he forgoes using his or her lips, and learns to reproduce sounds using the tongue, upper…
• Up until college age I was using the typical little-boy dummy that sits on the knee and makes woodpecker jokes. My first original character didn't…
• We just got a tour bus. I didn't know tour buses could be this nice. It's just me, Brian Haner the guitar guy, the tour…
• When I was in third grade I taught myself ventriloquism... What's hard is to learn to be an entertainer and make people laugh. I was…

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