“I am the alphabet soup of love. Eat me or read me, but don’t feed me to the cats.” — Jarod Kintz Alphabet Copy Share Image
“I’m dropping by. I may hit a few red lights, so I’ll be there in thirteen hours.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Your food’s not getting cold. I’m keeping it warm in my stomach. Dinner’s on me tonight.” — Jarod Kintz Dinner Copy Share Image
“The best part about teamwork, is me collecting all the prize money. Hey, that’s what captains are for, right?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“With 87 other Elvis impersonators, I’m going to take over the world. Starting with Vegas. We will gyrate our hips out of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I'm going to wear my birthday suit, even though it barely fits in the middle when I get excited and it stretches… — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“I’m thinking of moving my cloning factory to someplace less visible, like in front of a fogged mirror.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like movies that keep me guessing until the end. I always guess flowers, because no matter what type of movie, whether… — Jarod Kintz Flower Copy Share Image
“There are few things in this world I have left to hang on to, and one of them is my ball sack.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Thanks to my grandpa, I can go to France and not be visiting Germany. He single-handedly won WWII (he only has one… — Jarod Kintz Army Copy Share Image
“It’s my birthday, who could be calling me? Probably my clone, wondering why he hasn’t been born yet.” — Jarod Kintz Birth Copy Share Image
“To be surrounded by sixty people who make your life miserable is to be at a family reunion. But to be surrounded… — Jarod Kintz Family Copy Share Image
“I used to date an older obese woman named Ten, but everyone just called her "X". Now I just call her ex… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It is possible to be in two dreams at once. If I dream about you, and you are asleep at the time,… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“I used to think that Satan and all the fallen angels were the most evil beings in the universe. Now I think… — Jarod Kintz Evil Copy Share Image
“If the ink of my writing morphed into ants, would they march along with my thoughts? Would they find my work as… — Jarod Kintz Ants Copy Share Image
“Thirteen of us ate supper, and then one of us died. Unfortunately, he did not rise from the dead to pay his… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used for good, or for evil. The Brick of Creation, or the Brick of Destruction. While you’re deep… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We were in love. When I say we, I don’t mean her and I. I mean me and my clone were in… — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. I was trying to dissect love like it was a frog, and you were trying to… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“-Good thing you don’t own a mirror, Mr. Mirrorless, or you’d see how ugly you are. -What makes you think I don’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“However, my next-door neighbors had an entirely different manner of eating. When I’d go over there for dinner, it was buffet style,… — Jarod Kintz Eating Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to represent a thing. Now this thing is curious, because it represents an idea. This idea is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Where was I last night? I don’t remember myself. I mean I remember me—I didn’t suffer from an out-of-body experience—but I myself… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could have been used as a father figure in place of my dad when I was growing up, because a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m reminded of Orville Tethington, inventor of the world’s first steam-powered fog machine. He’s also the guy who, after the Germans invented… — Jarod Kintz Happy birthday Copy Share Image
“A brick is a lot like love. I mean, I’m sure it is. It simply must be. However, I can’t think of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
