“Right at the edge is where you’ll find me. The edge of the middle.” — Jarod Kintz Edge Copy Share Image
“I call masturbating “Gregging,” named not after a man named Greg, but a guy named Dave.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best birthday present is an empty box. Smile, it contains all my love for you.” — Jarod Kintz Best birthday Copy Share Image
“How much distance should there be between art and artist? I’d say no more than a lifetime.” — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“The customs of the customers should be custom designed by me, and sold to the business owner.” — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“To Do Today, 1/17/08 1. Sit and think 2. Reach enlightenment 3. Feed the cats” — Jarod Kintz Buddhism Copy Share Image
“I want a Snuggle Sandwich—hold the pickle. Make it a combo and upsize it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Riding a bicycle makes you impotent. That’s why I carry a bicycle seat in my pocket—because it’s better than wearing a condom.” — Jarod Kintz Bicycle Copy Share Image
“On the frozen tundra, I milked a cow and pumped out ice cream. Strangely, it had chunks of strawberries in it.” — Jarod Kintz Ice cream Copy Share Image
“He had a last name for a first name, a first name for a last name, and an erection the size of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d Poe’s nude for the approval of a dead poet. No names come to mind, but I’m sure there must be one… — Jarod Kintz Nude Copy Share Image
“The last time I went speed dating, I brought a radar gun. I got clocked at over 70 miles per hour.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can Grandma like nobody’s business. Hey, mind your own, grandpa, before I go all Uncle Sam on your ass.” — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“To take another person’s life for personal gain is the most selfish act imaginable. Especially when that other person is your clone.” — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“We rode the merry-go-round like a couple of lovers. We weren’t though; we were just two horse enthusiasts from two different worlds… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sometimes I’ll read a book and feel it was written just for me. Then I’ll flip the book over to look at… — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“I decide to go outside to enjoy the weather. Out of the corner of my eye I see Thor pushing an empty… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to perpetually feed the hungry, stop all wars, educate the masses, and ensure everlasting peace for all… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Last night I placed a handwritten note on the front door of my neighbor’s house that said, “Sorry, we’re closed. Come back… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The elevator wasn’t empty; it was full of fragrance. The perfume that lingered smelled like my past. Starting tomorrow, to focus on… — Jarod Kintz Fashion Copy Share Image
“Online social networks are cups. Nobody cares which cup they drink from—they only care about the beverage inside, the content. When you… — Jarod Kintz Happiness Copy Share Image
“I called to tell her I loved her, which was smart, because if I’d have done it in person, I’d have caught… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d never trust a surgeon who didn’t wear gloves when he operated. Even if those gloves he didn’t wear were boxing gloves.… — Jarod Kintz Boxing gloves Copy Share Image
“I wanted to write something that made no linear sense. None. Zero. Something that was 87% pure nonsense, 12% pure alcohol, and… — Jarod Kintz Comedy Copy Share Image
“A brick could be attached to a parachute and tossed out of an airplane, to test if it opens up properly. Well,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To save space and money, Thor and my mom work in the same office, which is basically like a converted closet, only… — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We made a good team, you and I, and I thought we were in love, but… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“She was in a coma, and had been unresponsive for years. Every Tuesday I’d visit her and read to her, and as… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Don’t just compare yourself to the best, compare yourself to the average man and also to yourself when you started out. Compare… — Jarod Kintz Confidence Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a hammer. A brick could be both a tool and a building material in the construction… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. The king decreed we could only speak one word, and that word would be assigned to… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
