“I make sleep like I make love, only with more energy and excitement.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I often wonder how far I’d go for love. I guess it all depends on the price of gas. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My cat’s name is Mr. Dog, and My penis’ name is Mr. Beaver. Ah, but that’s life, no?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You could get 50% wrong and you’d still get 50% right. That’s nearly half!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She tried to steal the desert. She’s guilty. Look no farther than her camel toe.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I got a new car. I just need to put it together. They’re easier to steal piece by piece.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Some things change, and some things stay the same. The things that change are the things that I wish stayed the same,… — Jarod Kintz Change Copy Share Image
“I was a bellman once. A bellman of love. The hospitality industry taught me a lot about romance, and proper gratuity etiquette.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“The moment I heard her name I fell in love. Of course I fell in love with the wrong name, so I… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to crush grapes. If that sounds unnecessarily cruel, then I guess you wouldn’t like to pour you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The only reason I didn’t feel like a complete fool was because the failure left me feeling incomplete.” — Jarod Kintz Failure Copy Share Image
“Reginald “If” Ifa IV died today. His last words were, “Death, the great What if.” I dreamt this, but that doesn’t make… — Jarod Kintz Death Copy Share Image
“If footballs were the size of acorns, they’d be easy to lose in the forest. Virginity is also easy to lose in… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I only had one eye, I’d look at my other eyeball with my good eye. It would be in a jar… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I sometimes lie awake at night wishing I had all the answers. But I guess only God has all of them, while… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have to put up a wall to put up with him. Not an invisible, metaphoric emotional wall, but a wall made… — Jarod Kintz Wall Copy Share Image
“I don’t just have one mustache, I have two. You can hardly notice them, though, because I wear them in place of… — Jarod Kintz Hair Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to increase your annual sales. But before you can sell, you’ve got to buy. For just $9.99… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I painted my walls yellow, with melted butter, because I recently discovered that I had a popcorn ceiling. It’s this kind of… — Jarod Kintz Politician Copy Share Image
“I wish art was like money in that the more I made, the more interest it developed and plentiful it became. Money… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You were a sunscreen salesperson, and you approached me and said, “Would you like to buy… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“When I first heard Twilight was a book about vampires that sparkled in the light and shape shifters/wolves eager to assist the… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“A brick could have been used as a father figure in place of my dad when I was growing up, because a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“However, my next-door neighbors had an entirely different manner of eating. When I’d go over there for dinner, it was buffet style,… — Jarod Kintz Eating Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to represent a thing. Now this thing is curious, because it represents an idea. This idea is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Where was I last night? I don’t remember myself. I mean I remember me—I didn’t suffer from an out-of-body experience—but I myself… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m reminded of Orville Tethington, inventor of the world’s first steam-powered fog machine. He’s also the guy who, after the Germans invented… — Jarod Kintz Happy birthday Copy Share Image
“A brick is a lot like love. I mean, I’m sure it is. It simply must be. However, I can’t think of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be attached to a parachute and tossed out of an airplane, to test if it opens up properly. Well,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To save space and money, Thor and my mom work in the same office, which is basically like a converted closet, only… — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
