“I am the Love Camel of Llama Land. Come, hop on my hump and let me lead you to water.” — Jarod Kintz Camel Copy Share Image
“After we made love, I didn’t want her to leave. At least not before she did the dishes.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I never hit below the belt, especially if that belt is the rust belt and I’m in Texas.” — Jarod Kintz Texas Copy Share Image
“A one dollar bill, though it weighs less than 99 pennies, is psychologically heavier.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Can you break my five-dollar bill into five singles? Women love guys with lots of money.” — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“I like mirrors as much as the next guy, except if the next guy is my clone.” — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“I am not the monster you think I am. No, I am an entirely different monster. I'm sort of like a mixture… — Jarod Kintz Bigfoot Copy Share Image
“I went to a networking event once. I passed out before I passed out my business cards. My business was called Blacked… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“We made love like September swims in August. But that’s natural, because it’s too cold to go swimming in October.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Making benches is no walk in the park. It takes one a lot of love to make a bench, and then it… — Jarod Kintz Benches Copy Share Image
“You don’t need to windup the wind to keep it going. It’s the same with my erection. All you need is two… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Whenever I see a strange man at a urinal, I always approach him slowly and say, “Dad, is that you?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You can share in my joy, but I don’t want to share my misery. No, I want to give away my misery.… — Jarod Kintz Joy Copy Share Image
“When I see a rainbow, I think of God’s promise and how He’s keeping it. Then I remember the promise I made… — Jarod Kintz Promise Copy Share Image
“A sample may taste better than the whole, because it’s meant for a taste test, which is perceptually expected to garner favorable… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Ever since the day I came out of the womb, I’ve had impeccable timing. For example, I somehow managed to be born… — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“My last name comes after my first name, but it came before my first name, and it’ll be around after my first… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I made a t-shirt that says, "Today's my birthday" on it, so that I can ask for hugs from strangers and point… — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“You can tell a lot about a person's character by how they do life's menial tasks. For example, I saw my neighbor… — Jarod Kintz Character Copy Share Image
“I live 30 times faster and more intensely than most people, so every year is a whole generation for me. I’d like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The house I grew up in is one of a kind. It’s a bibliophile’s fantasy, and if the Library of Congress had… — Jarod Kintz Bibliophile Copy Share Image
“A blanket would be a great surface to print my new book on, so you could read it in bed while you’re… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We’re not so different, you and I. Sure, we may have different religious beliefs, political outlooks, sexual orientations, economic viewpoints, and artistic/literary/culinary… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I really relate to you,” I said to my dad. “I can tell we’re in the same boat, because I’m rowing.” When… — Jarod Kintz Dad Copy Share Image
“So I am to be Robert’s replacement. On the one hand, there is no pressure, because it’s not like I am replacing… — Jarod Kintz Body love Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We were in a band. I was the lead singer, guitar player, saxophonist, harpist, violinist, bassist,… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“Before I walked into the door, the room got shades darker as a cloud did a summersault in front of the sun.… — Jarod Kintz Fifth grade Copy Share Image
“The best description of this book is found within the title. The full title of this book is: "This is the story… — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“My dream as a boy was to write a coloring book, but the nagging problem was always, How do you write a… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“-Good thing you don’t own a mirror, Mr. Mirrorless, or you’d see how ugly you are. -What makes you think I don’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
