“I make art like I make love—slowly, so I get the most for my money.” — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“The easiest way to get from point A to point B is with a vehicle that runs on alphabet soup.” — Jarod Kintz Alphabet soup Copy Share Image
“The atmosphere is always very grave when I walk into a cemetery.” — Jarod Kintz Cemetery Copy Share Image
“I want to mass produce wretchedness. An unsatisfactory factory. Then I want to produce cologne and stench—at different ends of the production… — Jarod Kintz Olfactory Copy Share Image
“A brick could be put on the end of a scale, to determine if the other end of the scale holds a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I hear your name, I involuntarily clench my butt cheeks. Is that love? I don’t know—I’m not Nicholas Sparks. ” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used in a heart transplant operation. And for just $25,000 more dollars, that brick could be switched with… — Jarod Kintz Heart transplant Copy Share Image
“It takes maturity and practice and patience to spread chunky peanut butter evenly on crumbly bread.” — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“You made me dinner, so I made myself vomit—twice. Once to clear some room in my full stomach so I could eat,… — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“Diversity is like a buffet, only with people. That’s why I like associating with individuals who are as close to macaroni and… — Jarod Kintz Diversity Copy Share Image
“My math is so fuzzy you should pet it. Four minus two isn’t two, because between two and four minus two is… — Jarod Kintz Mathematics Copy Share Image
“The only reason I don’t know more about love is because there just isn’t more to know. In fact, I’ve reduced love… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Sign I wrote on the inside of a brick wall: This is not an exit. This is a wall. Though if you… — Jarod Kintz Brick wall Copy Share Image
“If my penis were big enough to be mistaken for a leg, I am not sure I'd want the world to know.… — Jarod Kintz Exercise Copy Share Image
“There was something fishy about Mr. Dolphin, even though he seemed to be a regular mammal salesman. He sold exotic mammals, like… — Jarod Kintz Whale Copy Share Image
“If a molar-shaped asteroid crashed down from the heavens and crushed my testicles, I'd probably have to cancel my dental appointment with… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to suppress the will of the people. Every politician needs to keep this in mind when trying… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you don’t know what love feels like, you’re in luck, because I just finished making a new pair of Love Gloves.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love were a collection of collections, would your relationship be banged-up baseball cards, or famous art? My love for you is… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We made a good team, you and I, and I thought we were in love, but… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“His name is Arnold. But you’re not on a first name basis with him, and that’s not his first name. So that’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wanted to write something that made no linear sense. None. Zero. Something that was 87% pure nonsense, 12% pure alcohol, and… — Jarod Kintz Comedy Copy Share Image
“She was in a coma, and had been unresponsive for years. Every Tuesday I’d visit her and read to her, and as… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a hammer. A brick could be both a tool and a building material in the construction… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Don’t just compare yourself to the best, compare yourself to the average man and also to yourself when you started out. Compare… — Jarod Kintz Confidence Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. The king decreed we could only speak one word, and that word would be assigned to… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. I was trying to dissect love like it was a frog, and you were trying to… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
