“1700 years ago is not the same as the year 1700. Still, I was born in both years. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want my writing to be as smooth as drinking a glass of water—pool water, with piss in it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I sleep on my side. And if you’re not on my side, you’re against me.” — Jarod Kintz Sleep Copy Share Image
“Is love a gift from heaven? If it is, it’s often wrapped in disinterest and rejection.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A zebra is the piano of the animal kingdom. And I am the flute at the nudist colony, if you know what… — Jarod Kintz Animal kingdom Copy Share Image
“It’s so windy outside that there are waves in my cereal bowl. I was out of milk, so I poured pool water… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m a master of encouragement. Why should I do work myself when the price of getting others to do it for me… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“This financial crisis in Europe would have left Greece in Ruins, but it’s been that way for 2,000 years.” — Jarod Kintz Europe Copy Share Image
“You know you’re in love when you reach out to hold your woman’s hand, without remembering that her hands are full because… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I like color commentators. Especially red, white, and blue color commentators. As an American I sometimes feel so patriotic I feel British.” — Jarod Kintz Blue Color Copy Share Image
“I’m wearing the costume of a customer, and it smells cheap. Can you pass me the coupons, please?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m working hard to edit my book, so I can get it up for sale so that nobody can rush out and… — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“Grandpa always used to make me ride in the bed of his pickup truck, so he could keep up his conversations with… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I were alone with my clone, and we were enjoying each others' solitude, I'd have finally have met a man with… — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a hammer, which frees up the hammer to be used as a sex toy. The only… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Every night I pray I whisper into a megaphone, not only so God is sure to hear, but also my neighbors, because… — Jarod Kintz Every night Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used measure the volume of love in any given bathtub. But for the test to be accurate, I’m… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t care if you live by the motto: let the chips fall where they may, but don’t you dare spill the… — Jarod Kintz Dance Copy Share Image
“Factor in the fact that factories should only hire people they make themselves, I believe, and you can see why I want… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I collect things that collect dust. Like dust jackets. Despite no fingerprints in the dust on these books, most of the dust… — Jarod Kintz Writer Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to keep me single. Not that I need any help from anybody or anything to stay single.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People say, How could God allow helpless children to die? While I look around the world and see corruption, pollution, filth, lies,… — Jarod Kintz Around the world Copy Share Image
“I wrote a song called "Stinky Sodomite." It isn't a pop song, a historical song, or a song condemning homosexuality. Rather, it… — Jarod Kintz Pop song Copy Share Image
“The passenger door was wide open, nobody was around, and a purse was inside. Was this a trap? It seemed too good… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sometimes when I’m watching TV and I see a horrible commercial I think, “Only an asshole would buy that.” Then I think,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In the interview I was told that I’d be replacing Robert, who was a robot. The company thought they could save some… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a water purification device. Place it between a flowing water source and your storage barrel and… — Jarod Kintz Drinking water Copy Share Image
“Before I’ll take my clone on as a pupil in the craft of writing, he must prove his worthiness. He must write… — Jarod Kintz Best teacher Copy Share Image
