“Let’s split the pizza amongst ourselves, and divide the price evenly amongst yourselves.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I enjoy reading books by way of subtitles from the movies they got made into.” — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“I’m practically famous. More than eleven people have heard of me. Twelve, to be exact.” — Jarod Kintz Fame Copy Share Image
“A blanket cold be used as truth. At least it’s so warm, it must be used that way. ” — Jarod Kintz Truth Copy Share Image
“A brick represents a single unit, weak and useless alone, but useful and powerful when organized and grouped with other bricks. So… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d rather be assassinated. It’s not like I’m doing anything this evening. Inevitably there’ll be a parade, so just remember your umbrella.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ve lost many things, and many people, but thankfully I haven’t lost my life, or any of my clones.” — Jarod Kintz Clones Copy Share Image
“Farmers don’t picket government corruption, they picket fences. Let this be a lesson in love and the proper way to separate churlish… — Jarod Kintz Farmers Copy Share Image
“I don’t have a motorcycle, but I do have a picture of a motorcycle helmet. And a photo of a half-eaten Big… — Jarod Kintz Adrenaline Copy Share Image
“I floated like driftwood in the ocean. I wasn’t worried about sharks, because my bathtub is much too shallow.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Days turn into weeks, which turn into months, which turn into years, which turn into decades, which turn into cemeteries. But love… — Jarod Kintz Love Is Eternal Copy Share Image
“I got offended when she laughed, because she was showing pleasure, but she was also showing displeasure—in all the previous moments where… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you’re an invisible person, of course you’re going to dress ostentatiously and flamboyantly, so people will finally start seeing you. I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We couldn’t make love, unfortunately, because she was dead. I didn’t kill her, if that’s what you’re wondering. She died long before… — Jarod Kintz Biggest mistake Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. Knowing that women like to buy two things above all else, shoes and purses, I combined… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“The question is, If I killed your husband, would you seek revenge, or would you send me a Thank You card? I… — Jarod Kintz Marriage Copy Share Image
“I practice karate moves when I think nobody is watching. It’s all part of being a real American badass, I guess. Chicks… — Jarod Kintz Karate Copy Share Image
“Language is the proper way to communicate, followed closely by five balled up fingers forming a fist and flying at a face.… — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“There is nothing more enjoyable than being a member of an enlightened group of people that meets in complete darkness in complete… — Jarod Kintz Darkness Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to teach geography to a sleeping man. Better do it quick, before he wakes up and finds… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Is a picture really worth a thousand words? What thousand words? A thousand words from a lunatic, or a thousand words from… — Jarod Kintz Photography Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to help you to become a karate master, like I am. It’s easy to punch the brick… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s like Mark Twain once said to his wife, Olivia: “How many times do I have to say it—over the top!” He… — Jarod Kintz Dramatic Copy Share Image
“Jarod Kintz likes writing about himself in the third person, because he really relates to the third person. The odd man out.… — Jarod Kintz Bronze medal Copy Share Image
“Thor again tutored me in the seventh grade, when I was learning Algebra. Algebra was quite an experience for me. Thor spent… — Jarod Kintz Mathematics Copy Share Image
“Things can go three ways—left, right, or straight. If you stand on one side, either the left or the right, you will… — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“What is art? Art is tar, rearranged. Art is tar on canvas or tar on tarp or tar on a naked body.… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“But I had come down here for a reason. I was looking for Thor. It was Saturday, so he was most likely… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
