“There’s a new wine I want to try. I heard about it through the grapevine.” — Jarod Kintz Grapevine Copy Share Image
“I want to steal 100 years. If I get caught, it’ll be the trial of the century.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have a nervous lips tick, so naturally I try to cover it up with lipstick.” — Jarod Kintz Lips Copy Share Image
“Money is seen as a great evil. But I've never seen a pile of cash stab someone.” — Jarod Kintz Evil Copy Share Image
“I tried being 29, and it worked for about a year, but finally I just had to get rid of it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Artists have to have a good eye. And to be great, I'd recommend having two.” — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“I make conversation like I make love to myself—I let my hands do all the talking.” — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“I want to start a company called “We Do.” My tagline will be: We at We Do do what we do so… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“I did what I did for my clone, not for my own personal gain. It wasn’t right that he asked it of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Things to do in an elevator: Install a glass display, like in a museum, over the floor buttons and have a sign… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My shirt and pants should match my in-laws’ wallpaper, so like a chameleon I can be both there and not there at… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to cover the engine of a car, much like a hood does, only the blanket would help… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you asked me to mow your lawn, I’d say sure—just as soon as you move your lawn directly above mine.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To say that I grew up without parents is a lie, because I haven’t grown up yet. Also, all six of my… — Jarod Kintz Parenting Copy Share Image
“I’m on a shoestring budget, which means I don’t have any extra money to buy the surrounding shoes to even lace up.” — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“He had a last name for a first name, and a last name for a last name, but only because it came… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like to fantasize about how far I’ll have come in a year. A year from now, I’ll be 12 months further… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. I had converted a beached whale into a tour bus, and I asked you to be… — Jarod Kintz Dead people Copy Share Image
“Most people have a list of 100 books to read before they die, or 100 places to visit. Not me. I have… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a symbol for the kind of life I’m trying to build. The question now is, what… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We danced together. We didn’t look graceful, but how could we? She only had one leg and I had my eyes on… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to suppress the price of gold. But not for very long, because once the people realize the… — Jarod Kintz Central bank Copy Share Image
“I think they should combine the Summer and Winter Olympics and call it the Fall Olympics. They could host it in the… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“We should kill the future, so the present has no choice but to retreat into the past.” — Jarod Kintz Future Copy Share Image
“The only thing better than word of mouth is words of mouth. Give me at least two words.” — Jarod Kintz Language Copy Share Image
“I make love in my bathtub, because there’s only room for one person.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I didn’t call her, but the phone works two ways. So does my love.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I wear brown shirts to protect against the combination of coffee and clumsiness. ” — Jarod Kintz Coffee Copy Share Image
“I keep my phone on vibrate, and I keep it close to my genitals. You should call me. A lot.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The only thing that can tame and temper love is love. Also syphilis. ” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“By brother is so young that to this day he still doesn’t exist.” — Jarod Kintz Brother Copy Share Image
“Blankets could be used as tents. That would free up tents to be used as portable sex stalls. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When red fights with white, pink is always the winner. Let that be a lesson in love.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to build a future with me. Come, let’s start a life together. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The idea of a blind date scares me. But a deaf date would be great.” — Jarod Kintz Blind date Copy Share Image
“I could tell we were going to get along from the way he wiped his ass—on my tie.” — Jarod Kintz Wiped Copy Share Image
“Love is more powerful than any gun. Still, I’d recommend wearing a bulletproof vest.” — Jarod Kintz Bulletproof Copy Share Image
