“Whether you’re being good, or you’re up to no good, try not to look guilty.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have two friends, Grand and Ed, but I don’t take them for granted. ” — Jarod Kintz Friend Copy Share Image
“I just realized my reality, and I’d like to say No Thanks. I’m going back to sleep.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to go to Sing Sing prison. I’ll bet they’ve got a good chorus.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
I may not be a horse whisperer, but I certainly can and do shout at unicorns. — Jarod Kintz Unicorns Copy Share Image
“I love tables. And dancing. Oh, and I love table dancing, although Grandmother always says, "Wait until we're finished eating.” — Jarod Kintz Dance Copy Share Image
“I'm sort of a girly guy in that I love cats, rainbows, sunsets, flowers, trees, and sex. But not sex with trees.” — Jarod Kintz Trees Copy Share Image
“A brick could be placed on your child’s cafeteria lunch tray, in place of the less appetizing and more unnatural food they… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Some guys are the type of people who bring brass knuckles to a fight. I've always thought it prudent to bring some… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Thor once took an IQ test, and he was scoring so high that the referees took away his ability to shoot three… — Jarod Kintz Thor Copy Share Image
“I want to create a 3-4 deal—buy three for the price of four. Offer valid for any product but love, which is… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“The future seems so crowded to me. All I see is me, me, me, me, me and a million other clones of… — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“I don’t want to make love last, I want to make love second to last. The last thing we’ll do is cuddle.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Most men want sex, without the kids or commitment. I want sex, but I don’t want to have to pay any money.… — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“People don’t blush when they’re embarrassed. White people blush when they’re embarrassed. Why so embarrassed, white people? Any skeletons in your closet?… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A trophy isn’t about the hardware, the gold-painted statue mounted on marble, it’s about the recognition of excellence. A trophy is a… — Jarod Kintz Computers Copy Share Image
“If I offer you a glass of water, and bring back a cup of ice, I’m trying to teach you patience. And… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The conversation went like this: Me: Hello? You left your panties over here. Her: Hello? Me: Oh, hi, grandma! I thought you… — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“Every time the wind blows I think of her. I wonder if I could generate electricity off my yearning. Maybe a mind… — Jarod Kintz Lonely people Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. I thought together we could change the world, but you said you’d rather change the TV… — Jarod Kintz Change the world Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We were traveling in your car. You were driving, and I was securely fastened by ropes… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“I have bread, water, and love—what more can a man ask for? How about pasta, wine, and sex.” — Jarod Kintz Bread Copy Share Image
“There’s a hair in my soup. That’s the problem of using my helmet as a bowl.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m thinking ahead to how I’ll be thinking back to me thinking ahead in this moment.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When two are united as one, I’ll be there. And so will someone else.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
Love is the most amazing feeling in the world. Let me double check. Yep, love is a feeling. — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My asshole smells like a paper mill. Three cheers for being a writer.” — Jarod Kintz Positive Copy Share Image
“An ear shaped like a question mark is not receptive to life’s answers.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The rooftop of the mouth is where the chest must sing love songs.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“The picture is grainy. But that’s to be expected when photographing bread.” — Jarod Kintz Photography Copy Share Image
“Being an only child makes me the oldest child and the youngest child. And the middle child.” — Jarod Kintz Child Copy Share Image
“A woman in a box—a great gift for the husband who has everything.” — Jarod Kintz Gift Copy Share Image
