“I’m for a big government. A big government contraction.” — Jarod Kintz Big government Copy Share Image
“When I wear my wedding ring I think of her. I also think of my wife.” — Jarod Kintz Marriage Copy Share Image
“Nonstop sunny days would be boring. We need the gloom to highlight the highs.” — Jarod Kintz Gloom Copy Share Image
“I wasn’t on vacation. I was in the bathroom for an extended length of pee.” — Jarod Kintz Vacation Copy Share Image
“Sexcess—it’s about sex in excess and success all rolled up into one sweaty ball.” — Jarod Kintz Sexuality Copy Share Image
“A brick could be placed in an empty circular room, so that when you tell a dunce to go stand in the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d like to change my name, as my father isn’t worthy of having the same last name as me. I’m a rebel… — Jarod Kintz Father Copy Share Image
“If love were seaweed, I’d ask myself one question: Are you the sort of person who’d swim through it, or would you… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“The first thing she told me after I hit on her was that she had a boyfriend of nine months, and I… — Jarod Kintz Nine months Copy Share Image
“And then she walked out of my life forever. Too bad she was hitchhiking. I should have picked her up.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t want to see a group of people get killed. Particularly if those people are all my clones.” — Jarod Kintz Clones Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be folded up and kept in the trunk of my car, in much the same way that I do… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If your nipples were on your eyelids, then and only then would I give you eye contact while you are talking to… — Jarod Kintz Eye contact Copy Share Image
“I crumpled up a piece of paper and threw it in the garbage. Then I quickly snatched it out, because hell, I’d… — Jarod Kintz Architecture Copy Share Image
“Cats have the curiosity of a genius, while dogs have the intellect of a sack of manure covered in hair and mulch… — Jarod Kintz Best friend Copy Share Image
“If you expect others to think for you, then you expect others to live your life for you. And I’m sorry, but… — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“A brick could be wrapped in plastic and sold individually to toddlers as toys. (Warning: Bricks can be harmful if swallowed. If… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to write a book called, "Bonfires and Bras," which follows around a young, braless feminist who struggles to adopt in… — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“Looking at you in a mirror makes you more of an ally than an opponent, because I’m standing next to you, rather… — Jarod Kintz Ally Copy Share Image
“There is no other furniture in the room. However, in the center of the room, the floor steps down and a four-foot… — Jarod Kintz Globe Copy Share Image
“Herman is not her man. But neither am I, and I love her more than any man besides Herman. But she doesn’t… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Jack Black and Betty White should couple and produce Earl Grey. I could go for a cup of tea.” — Jarod Kintz Coffee Copy Share Image
“I’m not in the system. I’m starting to question my own existence.” — Jarod Kintz Existence Copy Share Image
“I like the crunch sound of snow under my boots. Better than stepping on knuckles.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m all out of beer like I’m all out of love. But I don’t drink beer, so who cares?” — Jarod Kintz Beer Copy Share Image
“I live my life according to a code. You might know it by the surname Morse.” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“I make love like an albino sings—softly, and from sunset to sunrise (except in Alaska).” — Jarod Kintz Albino Copy Share Image
“Killing a bird is a murder most fowl. Trying to play doctor with a duck makes you a quack.” — Jarod Kintz Killing Copy Share Image
“I have a deep respect for shallow pockets. They keep politicians honest. ” — Jarod Kintz Politicians Copy Share Image
“I put the yes in eyes. Except when I blink, because that’s definitely a no action.” — Jarod Kintz Action Copy Share Image
“A brick could be shoved in your buttocks. You know, for your enjoyment. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I love giving love. The more I give, the more I have to give.” — Jarod Kintz Giving Copy Share Image
