“Behind the door lies the question: Have you ever heard of a thing called knocking?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m asking you not to do it. Can you do that for me? Can you do not doing it? ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If politicians lived to be only 30-years-old before dying, that’d still be 30 years too long.” — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“I don't want to work a 9-5 job, because 20 hours a day is just too much.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I fell in love, but she wasn’t there to pick me up. So I took a taxi.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“An empty handshake, devoid of cash, is like a high-five, minus ten. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Revenge seeks its pound of flesh. That’s one fifth of my erection.” — Jarod Kintz Revenge Copy Share Image
“Music has the power to shake society, especially if the bass is turned way up.” — Jarod Kintz Music Copy Share Image
“My rule of thumb for hitchhiking is: stick it up straight and proud and make if visible to all drivers.” — Jarod Kintz Hitchhiking Copy Share Image
“Leadership. I separate myself from the pack at such a great distance that it may be said that I’m a leader—a leader… — Jarod Kintz Leader Copy Share Image
“Sandwiches come in shrink-wrap—therefore, I must masturbate with gloves on. Lunchtime! The coffee’s stale but the cream will be fresh.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“At my bachelor party I had Elton John’s “Tiny Dancer” play on repeat, while I enjoyed the spectacle of a midget stripper… — Jarod Kintz Bachelor party Copy Share Image
“Be prepared, but look unprepared. That way, your opponent thinks he doesn’t have to prepare to defeat you.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I were silent and invisible, I’d fear nobody. And if I were tasteless too, not even the cannibals or modern art… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“I’d rather be me being me than me trying to be my own clone. I try to stay true to who I… — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“If love smelled like cheese, as some people assume it does, then I'd rather be a goat and make love all day… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“An award winner recommended and commended someone’s work, and that someone later endorsed my work, so it’s like I’m an award winner… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m so shy that if you played “Guess The Mannequin” with me and two mannequins, you’d pick me, because I’m the quiet… — Jarod Kintz Fashion Copy Share Image
“She called and said she had to cancel tomorrow. “Cancel tomorrow!” I shrieked. “Does that make today the last day, or at… — Jarod Kintz Last day Copy Share Image
“You know cats, always scratching on this or that, but never scratching what you want when you want it. (Like my balls,… — Jarod Kintz Cats Copy Share Image
“What the government makes to make money is money. They make money by making money—literally printing it. While the private sector has… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to instill patience in a pupil. Not a pupil as in part of an iris, but a… — Jarod Kintz Every night Copy Share Image
“I got a call back on a job query from a week ago. It’s for a front desk position at a luxury… — Jarod Kintz Front desk Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to wrap up all the love I have to offer you, so it’ll be easier for you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I'm not interested in you as a person. I am, however, interested in you as a banana.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s true, I can’t make you love me. But I can refuse to let you out of your cage.” — Jarod Kintz Cage Copy Share Image
“The rivers are my memory, and I drink them at their basin and remember.” — Jarod Kintz Memory Copy Share Image
“The book wasn’t half bad. But only because I only read half of it.” — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“A cake for all is not a celebration of one. Cupcakes are the ultimate birthday cake.” — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“Standing around making ten dollars an hour—that’s what they pay me the big bucks for.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have a great golf swing. I just wish I had someone to push me on it.” — Jarod Kintz Golf Copy Share Image
“Success, if I simply gave it to you, you wouldn’t have the pleasure of taking it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hope you don’t mind, but I took the liberty of taking away your freedoms. –Uncle Sam ” — Jarod Kintz Freedom Copy Share Image
“I've always been one to share things. Particularly things like responsibility and blame.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s a fact that when it comes to dating, men are all visual. Well, except blind men.” — Jarod Kintz Blind Copy Share Image
