“If I had a street named after me, it would really put me on the map.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My birthday is on a holiday. I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me.” — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“The question is not where am I, but who am I? Where I am: Inside the body of my clone.” — Jarod Kintz Body Copy Share Image
“With over one billion people, I’d say China is the best place to have group sex.” — Jarod Kintz China Copy Share Image
“I dated an IRS agent, and I cheated on her. Not with a woman, but on my taxes.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There Are Two Typos Of People In This World: Those Who Can Edit And Those Who Can’t” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To become one who believes two become one, you need love in your life.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Wrinkles don’t signify old age, they signify a lack of ironing skills or a dearth of hangers to hang clothes on.” — Jarod Kintz Old age Copy Share Image
“I have a secret knock. It’s so secret that I never use it, lest you hear my knuckles knocking and try to… — Jarod Kintz Investing Copy Share Image
“I’ve lived in Jacksonville for—not sure, I get Jacksonville and Paris mixed up. I’ve never been to Paris.” — Jarod Kintz Jacksonville Copy Share Image
“You know what’s right up my alley? Hobos. And they’d better move, because I set up my squatter settlement in this alley… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A balanced argument is one that takes place entirely in my head, and doesn’t cause me to tip over.” — Jarod Kintz Argument Copy Share Image
“Growing up, my parents never gave me as much as I wanted for my birthday. For example, one year I wanted a… — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“I am not the No Factory I yessed into existence. I love with an intensity that needs to be felt to be… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“I have an inconsequential errand to run tomorrow so I’ll get up at 5, be there at 5:30, and wait for them… — Jarod Kintz Errand Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to show support for your favorite team. They want to crush their opponents, and if you’ve got… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I was crying on the inside, but on the outside, to the casual observer, and to the man who was dying, I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I would give you my grandma’s slow-knitted Duck Soup dance-routine recipe, but my grandpa sold it to Roger Bannister for three minutes… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Money is a chameleon. It can transform itself into any representation. Sometimes money looks like a pile of cheeseburgers, and other times… — Jarod Kintz Chameleon Copy Share Image
“You can’t write with dry ink. Likewise, using another author’s dried words to make your writing more fluid is not only dishonest,… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“If there are two clones, one good and one evil, I can’t kill on sight alone. It’s the same with love. Some… — Jarod Kintz Clones Copy Share Image
“The rumor is that my cousin dates phoenix sculptures made out of cheese. It has to be true, because it's too weird… — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“Online social networking allows a small fish in a small pond to become bigger than a big fish in a big pond—without… — Jarod Kintz Big fish Copy Share Image
If I tell you I want to be a door-to-door salesman, dont knock it. — Jarod Kintz Funny Copy Share Image
“I drive a car that’s covered in fur, because before the automobile, there was the horse.” — Jarod Kintz Automobile Copy Share Image
“I type as fast as a ten-legged man who just had eight legs chopped off runs.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Keys, they make it easier to get in and out of doors. So does invisibility.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m not descended from anybody. All my ancestors are ascending from me.” — Jarod Kintz Ancestors Copy Share Image
“I am the orangutan of love. OK, who am I kidding? I’m merely the love monkey.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I listen better with earplugs in, so I can see what your body is really saying.” — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“I’ll put an oven mitt on before I handle anything hot—including my penis.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The bullpen in a baseball park is the best place for matador training.” — Jarod Kintz Baseball Copy Share Image
“I picked up the knife to cut the melon, and then smashed it with my fist instead.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My name is Al, but it’s not Al Falfa. You can’t eat me, damnit. At least not legally.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Inappropriate interview question #13: Can I call you Kitten Tits?” — Jarod Kintz Interview Copy Share Image
“If I were to come back in another life, I’d like to be reincarnated as my own clone.” — Jarod Kintz Another life Copy Share Image
“A pack of people came to see me. I say a pack because they were werewolves.” — Jarod Kintz Werewolves Copy Share Image
“I am the melted cheese of desire. Please, feel free to double dip.” — Jarod Kintz Desire Copy Share Image
