“I think we should keep politics out of church, and back in hell where it belongs.” — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“I took the wheels of my bike off in support of your bicycle race to support bike riding.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m older now, which I can’t help, but I’m also fatter, thanks to all the extra helpings.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If anybody ever tells me to face them like a man, I’ll get offended, because my face can’t grow a beard.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to tell time. And just between you and me, I hope that brick tells time to go… — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“In the future, I’ll be furniture. Step on me now or sit on me later, but either way let me know how… — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“I always wear gloves when I wash my hands. That’s also how I make love, and if you buy now I’ll throw… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“When he misbehaves, I’ll clap and then point at my cat, as if transmitting the sting of the slap towards him in… — Jarod Kintz Cats Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a scapegoat. But don’t blame the brick. The brick didn’t kill my mother-in-law. It was merely… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Obesity isn't as cool as it used to be, back in the earlier centuries. Before it was a reflection on your gross… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My blanket is a year old. And amazingly, it still purrs just as loud today as it did when it was a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If it comes all scratched and dented, then no matter what you do, unless you buff and polish it, it always looks… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I needed to take her to a concert, or maybe invite her out to go stencil street art in the middle of… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“A swimming pool full of coffee would be great to jump in first thing in the morning. After all, people often call… — Jarod Kintz Coffee Copy Share Image
“Queen always seemed to me to be manufactured championship music—designed to be played in stadiums to get fans hyped up about paying… — Jarod Kintz Champion Copy Share Image
“I’ll dine on apple flesh and cinnamon, while feeding you one line after another. Some lines will have salmon hooked on at… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The closer I get, the faster I have to go. Otherwise, I might be late to the very place where I’m not… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We were playing football (soccer), and I just needed to score one goal to win. Of… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“I’ll watch the Final Four when there are three teams playing at once for two titles and one large bag of regrets.… — Jarod Kintz Football Copy Share Image
“Too much coffee has been spilled in the name of war. Let us love and savor every drop.” — Jarod Kintz Coffee Copy Share Image
“The abbreviation for Brazil, BRA, makes me think of breasts. I have no idea why.” — Jarod Kintz Boobs Copy Share Image
“I bought a five-pound sack of sugar. Now I just need to buy a cup of coffee to dump it in.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m rich in poverty. I got no money coming out of my ass. I’m up to my neck in broke.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
If sex were shoes, I'd wear you out. But I wouldn't wear you out in public. — Jarod Kintz Funny Copy Share Image
“Yeah, I enjoy musical chairs. My furniture is deaf, so it gets rather interesting.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love were orange, like an apple, there’d be nothing to compare it to.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
Love will wreck your heart like a derailed train. So choo-choose your partner wisely.¨ — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Experience is the best teacher I've ever had. I'm sorry, Mr. Sortz, but it's true.” — Jarod Kintz Best teacher Copy Share Image
“Have I ever been in love? Have your ears ever itched from inside your urethra?” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I’m drinking your reply. Maybe isn’t too hot or cold, so I’m chugging it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
The dollar isnt worth its weight in gold, and the pound isnt worth its weight in ounces. — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
