“I pitted two ditch diggers against each other, to see who could dig a pit the fastest.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am Cloud “Combat” McCloud. Fear my thunder! Love my chicken tenders.” — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“I buy all my socks with holes in them. Otherwise, how would I get my feet in them?” — Jarod Kintz Fashion Copy Share Image
“Love one person at a time, that’s the motto I’ll try to get my clones to live by.” — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“I’m a neat person (interesting), but I’m not a neat person (organized).” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I keep a fish in each pocket, and one in my left shoe, so I don’t drown in your love.” — Jarod Kintz Fish Copy Share Image
“Word of mouth is often louder than word of hand, although applause can be deafening. I clap like Helen Keller drank coffee—with… — Jarod Kintz Applause Copy Share Image
“My parents always said that knowledge was the best gift they could give me, probably because they were too cheap to buy… — Jarod Kintz Best gift Copy Share Image
“I’m on a government watch list. But I’m not interested, because government watches only work twenty minutes out of every hour.” — Jarod Kintz Politics Copy Share Image
“It may be bad for you, but government has no role in dictating our lives. People should be free to imprison themselves.” — Jarod Kintz Bad government Copy Share Image
“I prefer long-distance relationships. If we were dating, would you be offended if I asked you to stand back a few feet?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“John Wilkinson invented the horizontal boring machine, and what a boring machine it was! In fact, it’s so boring that I think… — Jarod Kintz Computers Copy Share Image
“I don't think any man could solve the world's problems overnight, myself included. You'd better give me at least two days.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Tell me naughty things while I jack off. Say anything freaky, but don’t mention finance or economics. That’s just too kinky.” — Jarod Kintz Economics Copy Share Image
“If you supplied me a tissue, I wouldn’t need it because I wouldn’t feel like crying. But if you withhold it, you’ll… — Jarod Kintz Withhold Copy Share Image
“Some people put more thought into what kind of car to buy than what kind of mate to marry. I think that's… — Jarod Kintz Bicycle Copy Share Image
“I can’t tell you how much I love kissing ass. Especially wealthy, cellulose-stippled ass. But I’ll smile as big as a personified… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My ducks give me eggs, and I took two of those eggs and nurtured them under a dome to produce two ducklings.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to find myself as a person, and I’ve enlisted the help of my clone to aid me in this. It’s… — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“The word “Building” makes a completed structure seem under construction. Once a building is finished, it should be called a “Built.” Similarly,… — Jarod Kintz Architecture Copy Share Image
“A brick could be strapped to the back of a pet gerbil, to teach it how to swim. That’s how I learned… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“As a way for both of us to make money, I’ll hold you hostage, while at the same time, you’ll be holding… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“That night when we made love, she saw a side of me she’d never seen—the left side.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I found love in the arms of another woman. Who needs two legs, a torso, or talking? ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I got stood up. I wasn’t mad, because at the time I was in a wheelchair.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Aside from criminology, I’d say archaeology has the highest body count.” — Jarod Kintz Archaeology Copy Share Image
“My handyman is handicapped and oh so handsome, because he’s my clone.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I invited my girlfriend over and made her dinner. I didn’t cook, but I did eat her.” — Jarod Kintz Dinner Copy Share Image
“There are only two ways to love—in spite of yourself, and in spite of the restraining order.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I watch silent movies on mute. But only for the dialogue.” — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“Do not oppose my opposable thumbs. If you do, we’ll have a thumb war.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m older than myself. At least I will be, once my clone gets here.” — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“I was once in a battle trying to fight my way out when I realized it’s better to sneak out.” — Jarod Kintz Fight Copy Share Image
