“I’ll see a cat and instinctively start petting the hair on my back.” — Jarod Kintz Cats Copy Share Image
“I won’t be lulled by the lullaby, when what waits after is eternal sleep.” — Jarod Kintz Lullaby Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as Bigfoot. You know, as something the people can really believe in. ” — Jarod Kintz Bigfoot Copy Share Image
“Bricks could be used to build stronger relationships. But so could bribes.” — Jarod Kintz Bribes Copy Share Image
“If we make it out of this alive, I’ll kill you. So you have that to look forward to.” — Jarod Kintz Alive Copy Share Image
“A brick could be locked in a safe, because nobody will try to steal it there. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to protect your heart from heartbreak. Keep your heart warm, because if your heart grows as cold… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I said it unto him who isn’t, and he wisely said nothing. Sometimes saying nothing is saying more than enough.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Is it better to pull someone, or push them to succeed? I have no idea, but will you be my slinky?” — Jarod Kintz Motivational Copy Share Image
“If my semen had chunks of crumbled brick in it, would you use yogurt to try to impregnate your fireplace? ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The Italians say “Chow.” To them it means “Bye,” but to me it means food. Of the greetings, goodbye is the desert.” — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“I don’t just love you, I love you a 9.7. I would love you a 10, but who do you think you… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to warn your enemy that you are coming—and that you are warm. Where’s the cold war when… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a doorstop. But why bother? To promote an open-door policy, I had all the walls knocked… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Feeling depressed? Lift your chin up, pull your shoulders back, raise your arms, walk with a spring in your step, smile, and… — Jarod Kintz Feeling depressed Copy Share Image
“If I were a mad scientist, I’d use a brick in an angry way. And if I were a mad scientist, I’d… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Most people walk along the beach hoping to find a fossilized Megalodon shark’s tooth or something. But not me. I walk along… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Blankets could be employed to keep the people standing in the unemployment line warm. Well, they could be, if the people weren’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wanted to study graphic design, because I wanted to work in an office with designer desks, ergonomic chairs, pool tables, and… — Jarod Kintz Education Copy Share Image
“I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that your house hasn't burned down, you don't have… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to build a color theory that red objects encapsulate rage. Don’t believe me? Think of all the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I typed out positive words, printed them out, blended them together with fruit and ice, and spoke all those words into… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m tired of talking. I want you to extract my thoughts through my nostrils.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you want to know what love is for, the answer is “other people.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
Dont go looking for pancakes when you have flapjacks at home. — Jarod Kintz Adultery Copy Share Image
“I put gloves on before I put gloves on, so I don’t get my gloves dirty.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love melted like a statue made of butter, would you consider me a pancake or a waffle?” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A bird once sent out its mating call and in return got the siren of an ambulance.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t like tit for tat. I like tit for tit. Bring on the boobies!” — Jarod Kintz Boobies Copy Share Image
“Ears of corn can listen better than me when they’re still in the ground.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“With Mildred Feeblemeister dead, I’m now the world’s 77th greatest grandmother.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
