“Michael Phelps collects huhs. Huh? His mouth said nothing, but his actions said it all.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like a cookie. Maybe I should have ordered crackers with my condom soup.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A blanket that has arms to hold you when you are sad, now that's what I call a comforter.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I got married at a good time, though a better time would have been 20 years from now.” — Jarod Kintz Marriage Copy Share Image
“I’ll refer my clones to businesses and negotiate a better price for myself. And for myselves.” — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“A date is a place, a destination. March 5th, 1982 is the ideal tourist trap.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m a guy who respects boundaries. I require a passport for interpersonal travel.” — Jarod Kintz Passport Copy Share Image
“I have seen the deadly effects of love first hand, and I have seen them with my second hand (the left one).” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“What’s next to my bed? One night stand, though personally I find them morally outrageous, not to mention the danger from STDs.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m angry as hell. I’m angry for all the people who should be angry but aren’t, either because they’re too stupid or… — Jarod Kintz Angry Copy Share Image
“I added three letters to my resume. No, not MBA or PhD. I added ZXQ, because those are the rarest letters, so… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I love ebooks. I love the idea of storing books in “The Cloud”, because honestly, reading and rainy days go together like… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used in place of a diamond on a wedding ring. Your wife's probably going to divorce you and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The couch was wide enough for two, but I sat in it alone. Was I obese in body—or skinny in love?” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“My handshake is as firm as cooked spaghetti. So, do you prefer your introductions with Alfredo or marinara sauce?” — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to say hello to a man who’s not only tone deaf, but also regular deaf. Just wave… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Networking is more quality, and less quantity. It’s better to form a solid connection with one new person, than a liquid connection… — Jarod Kintz Networking Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make magical music. And no, I’m not talking about sex and wailing orgasms, you pervert. That’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I love like a lawnmower in the desert. I love like a solar-powered lunar vehicle. I love like a wind-powered kite factory.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People can only grow, stagnate, or regress. Which one are you doing? I’m both growing and stagnating, because I’m learning every day,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I retired at the age of 25, and it wasn’t until a few days later that I realized that in order to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I put two bricks side by side in the grass and called it a race. Neither one moved so I renamed it… — Jarod Kintz Air travel Copy Share Image
“They say there are 7 billion people on earth. I don't know what accountant came up with that number, but in my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I think I have a strange thing growing out of my neck that causes me to think too much.” — Jarod Kintz Strange thing Copy Share Image
“I want to be an actor. I’ve already started taking steps. Yesterday I applied to be a waiter.” — Jarod Kintz Actor Copy Share Image
“Birthdays are like politicians. I don’t like any of them, but they still keep coming around.” — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“My expectations are sky low, because I’m standing on a mountaintop.” — Jarod Kintz Expectations Copy Share Image
“The Frosted Flakes sales team once described me as “Flakey.” I was highly flattered.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I love her like two cheese sticks without cheese. Bread and circuses.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You shit sheep shapes, and I shit wolves as brown as bark. It’s all politics.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You don’t have to visit an asylum to see insanity. All you have to do is visit Washington DC.” — Jarod Kintz Asylum Copy Share Image
“Between was and is you’ll find me—but most of the time you’ll only find me in pictures.” — Jarod Kintz Photography Copy Share Image
“It’s interesting to watch someone think. Glass skulls would be cool.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m beside myself with excitement over my new clone standing next to me.” — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“I spilled semen everywhere. No wonder the world is overpopulated. ” — Jarod Kintz Semen Copy Share Image
