“I’m building a building from scratch, and I’m making it out of a giant itch.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Who art thou, Art? Do you make art the way I make love—with a paintbrush?” — Jarod Kintz Artist Copy Share Image
“I didn’t get your letter. I did receive it, but I didn’t understand it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My date couldn’t make it to dinner, because at the last minute I backed down from asking her.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I refuse to answer the phone, especially when it’s not questioning (ringing).” — Jarod Kintz Questioning Copy Share Image
“My mom and dad died, but in their place I got a house of fog that’s easy to hide my feelings in.… — Jarod Kintz Dad died Copy Share Image
“I’m hungry but I won’t order 18 tubs of ketchup and a spoon. No, I’ll order it because I’m thirsty, and I’ll… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to meet the girl of my dreams, and then immediately try to sleep with her—for between six to eight hours.” — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“I was seen spotted with an older woman and a girl half my height in age. A leopard was also spotted. ” — Jarod Kintz Older woman Copy Share Image
“If love were a porch light, I’d be the moth. And you’d be the freshly-pressed pants I’m dying to eat.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“My armpits are not only rank, but they’re ranked number one in customer satisfaction. Try them for free or your money back.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I remember the good old days. You must remember the good old days, because they were the days with the long white… — Jarod Kintz Good old days Copy Share Image
“He’s a year shorter than me, but he’s a foot younger. I love him like the brother of an only child.” — Jarod Kintz Brother Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. You were in the oil business, and I sold icy roads for a living. You didn’t… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“Most people live life backwards. They party and kill time in their youth, when they’re strong and have the energy to accomplish… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wrote this piece because my mailbox was full of bills, junk mail, and lettuce, but not a single letter from Andre… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to foretell the future. But I’m the only one alive who knows how to make it work,… — Jarod Kintz Future Copy Share Image
“My nickname in high school was Catch 22. Not because I was a walking dilemma, but because I had 22 catches freshman… — Jarod Kintz Freshman year Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used like March 5th marches in a marching band. And guess what, as the marching band director, I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m an only child, so logically I gave birth to my parents, because if it weren’t for me they wouldn’t be parents… — Jarod Kintz Birth parents Copy Share Image
“Just because I look like John Wayne (at least my liver looks identical to his) doesn’t mean I play cowboy with politics.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I always buckle up, even if I’m only walking across the parking lot.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to open up a School of Cannibalism. It’ll be a feeder school for top law schools.” — Jarod Kintz Cannibalism Copy Share Image
“If you won’t turn your back to face me, then I won’t even bother stabbing you.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s not if, but when I’ll if on you that matters. How does Tuesday at noon sound?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a flotation device, if you’re Michael Phelps and don’t need it. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m more terrified of failure than rejection—so I’ll no my way to YES!” — Jarod Kintz Failure Copy Share Image
“Teamwork: I love the idea of all for one—especially if that one is me.” — Jarod Kintz Idea Copy Share Image
“I want to write a song based on my own childbirth. Of course, this is all a bit premature.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Even my underwear is art. It's like a splatter painting in yellow I call “Crusty.” — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“What do you call 1,000 government employees with no mouths or legs? More efficient.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
The US is about to go all Billy the Kid. Inflation is going to keep shooting up. — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
