“More Americans died in WWII than in any other world war, with the possible exception of WWI.” — Jarod Kintz World war Copy Share Image
“I carry a concealed weapon—high cholesterol. It’s deadly. ” — Jarod Kintz Amendment Copy Share Image
“As a person, I have to claim my persona as my own. If I don’t, my clone will do it for me.” — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“I’d like a doggy bag to take home my leftover grilled canine burger.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wish trash were treasure, because then I’d be a garbage collector and king.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Loneliness is the unloneliest feeling in the world, as everyone has experienced it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t like rejection. One jection is enough for me. No need to give it to me again.” — Jarod Kintz Heartbreak Copy Share Image
“I told her I'd rather talk about her, instead of listening to her drone on about the weather. Little did I know… — Jarod Kintz Meteorologist Copy Share Image
“Cher and share alike. At least in sound. Most of the decisions I make are sound, exactly like Beethoven when he wrote… — Jarod Kintz Song Copy Share Image
“It’s important that my socks match. I don’t want anything that distracts from my sock puppet show. Quiet, now! Show starts in… — Jarod Kintz Fashion Copy Share Image
“If I see a homeless person begging for change, I might give them money, if they’ve got change for a nickel.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If love were a dolphin with wings and a unicorn’s horn, being ridden by a blind leprechaun dressed like Rasputin, would you… — Jarod Kintz First sight Copy Share Image
“I feel self-conscious calling my cat fat in front of a fat person, considering I’m skinny and inconsiderate.” — Jarod Kintz Self conscious Copy Share Image
“I keep butter in my underwear, because it’s like a meat locker down there. Can I interest you in two rolls of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“-I don’t want you to do anything. -Well then I won’t do anything. -Thank you. -Doing nothing, it’s the least I can… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Most people don’t know where money comes from. Even most of our elected officials don’t know. If you were to ask a… — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“When Jed comes in and gives you that look where his forehead wrinkles up and his chin drops so low that his… — Jarod Kintz Winter Copy Share Image
“I didn’t have time to grow out a mustache, so I wore a squirrel to the party. Women looked at me like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There is nothing more romantic than candles and flowers, except candles that smell like flowers and flowers that can be burned, as… — Jarod Kintz Candles Copy Share Image
“I have a rating system I apply to all people. Mao Zedong might have a Meow Factor of four, but I like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I met a man named Birthday. I didn’t tell him when I was born, because I thought that that one day in… — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“She works in the corporate business center, and I work in a satellite location. She calls it the “moon,” while I call… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to represent the state of Kansas. Both are flat, both are rectangular, both have tried to insert… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I fight with the strength of many lion meows. I love even more ferociously.” — Jarod Kintz Strength Copy Share Image
“I don’t believe in the zodiac. Whenever anybody asks me what my sign is, I always say “Yield.” — Jarod Kintz Astrology Copy Share Image
“I have a bedroom rug that I feed. It’s not very flat, and it meows when I step on it.” — Jarod Kintz Cats Copy Share Image
“Make your vote count. Be the guy responsible for counting and tallying all the votes.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am nine fifteen feet tall. I mean nine fifteen time tall. I measure height with my watch.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as wrapping paper, to give the gift of a cat. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is an art. Mine could fill a museum the size of your heart.” — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“I’m going to go up on my way down. I’m just a sideways sort of person.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There are 26 characters in the alphabet, and what characters they are! Especially Q.” — Jarod Kintz Alphabet Copy Share Image
“You can't put a price tag on human life. But if you could, I'd demand coupons for clones.” — Jarod Kintz Clones Copy Share Image
