“I wear my shirts backwards and inside out. It helps give my genitals more breathing room.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Half man, half woman, hermaphrodites are 100% love—self love.” — Jarod Kintz Hermaphrodites Copy Share Image
“I was able to preserve my integrity, in jars along with strawberries.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to go back to weighing 165 pounds. Let me take off my clothes.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The devil appears in many forms, but the most nefarious of all are tax forms.” — Jarod Kintz Devil Copy Share Image
“I’d like to make a statement, and I’d like to make it out of my own small intestines.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sometimes looking like you know is better than actually knowing. People respect you, and defer to you, yet you don’t have the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A pitcher throwing a pitcher full of sleep has a lot of pitch and yawn. My love has pitch and yaw, which… — Jarod Kintz Baseball Copy Share Image
“I keep the ketchup in the fridge, though from now on I’m going to keep in the bottle. Less messy, I figure.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Boy, when Grandma Wrinklebottom comes to town, you’d better hide your underwear. I know I’ll be hiding my political perspectives.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wouldn’t want the guests at my birthday party confusing my celebration with the Oscars. That’s why I’m having the awards ceremony… — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“If I had a clone, he’d better be my equal, and not my better. Can you imagine how I’d feel being jealous… — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“My close friends are fond of telling me that I put the “yalt” in loyalty. Well, I don’t know if I’d go… — Jarod Kintz Close friends Copy Share Image
“It was 7 AM, so what else could I say but, “Have a great night.” Plus, he was as blind as Helen… — Jarod Kintz Blind Copy Share Image
“I think a great book title would be “Ida Says ‘I do’ in Idaho.” It would be about a divorce in Washington… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“I designed a dress out of scotch tape. If you wear my dress, you can be dressed and undressed at the same… — Jarod Kintz Fashion Copy Share Image
“A brick is what the aliens gave me to communicate with them. It’s easy to operate. Just go to a party, or… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to deliver the darkness on a platter of light. But I’d eat my unborn children straight out… — Jarod Kintz Children Copy Share Image
“Did I hear that right? Did someone say ice cream? It’s an odd thing to say in the middle of a eulogy,… — Jarod Kintz Eulogy Copy Share Image
“I sure hope Wrigley doesn't start making socks, because then I wouldn't be able to refuse if someone offered me some socks.… — Jarod Kintz Art making Copy Share Image
“A brick could be substituted in for Rhode Island as a US state, because they’re roughly the same size, the have the… — Jarod Kintz Rhode island Copy Share Image
“If I had a necklace made out of tiny suns, I’d only wear it at night when you could really see it.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can’t believe you think that I can’t believe you don’t think that.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I had the gift of flight, would you try to turn me into duck soup?” — Jarod Kintz Gift Copy Share Image
“Whenever I drink, I always have one too many. Of course, I only ever drink one.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to make something of myself. I believe it’s called a statue.” — Jarod Kintz Make believe Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to save humanity from mortality. Or at least save us from mortar. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s money to be made with a name like Cash. I should print myself into popularity.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
