“I'm the oldest of twelve brothers. However, the other eleven are yet to be born.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s a comforting thought knowing that no matter how old I get, I can always get older.” — Jarod Kintz Comforting Copy Share Image
If our destiny stems from our name, then I weep for the flower named Wilt. — Jarod Kintz Flower Copy Share Image
“I want to knit myself a skin-tight sweater, made out of human flesh.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There are levels of humor. The level above mine is invisible and inaudible.” — Jarod Kintz Comedy Copy Share Image
“I’d rather fake my own fog, than fake a steamy love scene. Can I interest you in some mist? It’s homemade.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A leap of faith doesn’t involve leg strength. Still, I can’t take any chances, so I’ve been doing squats.” — Jarod Kintz Faith Copy Share Image
“Question for your life: If there were a fountain machine that dispensed destruction instead of soda, would you grab an extra large… — Jarod Kintz Computers Copy Share Image
“As an extreme method of saving, I’d kidnap myself, if I thought I’d actually pay the ransom money before I committed suicide.” — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“I can’t work well when I am under stress. It reduces me to normalcy. Stress is my kryptonite. And I usually don’t… — Jarod Kintz Long distance Copy Share Image
“I'm not famous, but some people know me by name. Other people know me by number. That number is four.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to cook with, as a thickening agent in gravy. But as history proves, the thickest agents work… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I tried turning the table on my opposition, but the table was circular, and I wasn’t sure how far to turn it.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I work for a mom and pop business. They’re my mom and pop, and by work I mean they give me an… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“After reading one of my one-liners a few years ago, a former professor of mine looked up at me and said, “You… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love isn’t a series of slogans like “Just do it,” “It’s the real thing,” or “Go ahead, stick it in my butt.”… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
I think the key indicator for wealth is not good grades, work ethic, or IQ. I believe it's relationships. Ask yourself two… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Her name is Denise, and she has green eyes and red hair. Well, this week. Last week her hair was dyed blonde,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m no Arnold Schwarzenegger, but I have the definition of a dictionary. If you admire my calves now, just wait a few… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be a politician, if you attached strings, taught it to dance, and allowed it to read a teleprompter. Remember:… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two days ago, Tuesday at 10:10 am, I gave birth to a bagel. And God commanded me to slice up my only… — Jarod Kintz Right thing Copy Share Image
