“-Do you have any scary I can borrow? Orafoura asked. -I’m afraid not, I replied.” — Jarod Kintz Fear Copy Share Image
“I want to be the boss, and have my name embossed on the corner office door.” — Jarod Kintz Boss Copy Share Image
“Five minutes ago it was five minutes late, and my watch is five minutes slow.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have a double-breasted suit. It’s got four nipples stitched on the front (two are faux nipples).” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Wherever I go I carry around a clothes iron, a loaf of bread, and a block of cheddar, so no matter where… — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“If I were among midgets I didn’t know, I’d be afraid they’d see I was uncomfortable making small talk.” — Jarod Kintz Midgets Copy Share Image
“If love played an instrument, I’ll bet it would be the piano. 88 keys, double infinity, and the ability to chop down… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Don’t tell me to watch my step, because I’m like a staircase—so can you be more specific? Which step should I watch?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to win the love of a beautiful girl. The trick to getting it to work is just… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you rearrange the letters of “love,” you get “ovel.” I don’t know what an ovel is, but I know what it… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“To most people, if you’re muttering, you might as well be speaking a foreign language. I should know, because in college I… — Jarod Kintz Foreign language Copy Share Image
“Bricks, bricks, and bricks could be given away at the Olympics, instead of gold, silver, and bronze medals. If all a champion… — Jarod Kintz Bronze medal Copy Share Image
“A smile, a smirk, and a wink walk into a bar, and the bartender asks them what they’ll have to drink, and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I bought you a gift. It’s something I’ve always wanted, but I’m not quite sure you’ll like it. So if you don’t… — Jarod Kintz Gift Copy Share Image
“In 50 years, I’m going to tell my grandchildren, “Back when I was growing up we didn’t have teleportation devices. We actually… — Jarod Kintz Grandchildren Copy Share Image
“Fish like shiny things, stupid people like shiny things, and the late Nebular Romular Ichibar IV liked shiny things. He burned to… — Jarod Kintz Astronomy Copy Share Image
“I’m acquiring handshakes left and right. I collect introductions, and the best place to procure them is at chamber of commerce networking… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a PRA, or Person Replacement Apparatus. Just give the brick a name, start talking to it,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Don’t be jealous if I spend 50% of my time with you, and 50% of my time with others, because you get… — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
