“A brick could be used to disguise the fact that I’m blushing. Oh my God, I’m so embarrassed! Don’t look at the… — Jarod Kintz Blushing Copy Share Image
“A one-winged bird does not fly south for the winter. It flies south, west, north, and east, over and over. That’s how… — Jarod Kintz Bird Copy Share Image
“Competition is healthy. Especially when all your competitors are unhealthy, and hopefully sick and absent during the competition.” — Jarod Kintz Competition Copy Share Image
“Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with fins and gills are called. ” — Jarod Kintz Fish Copy Share Image
“I’m a Colorado boy at heart, even though my surrounding body is like the landmass containing the encircling 47 states. But I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m building a hot air balloon out of my love for you. I’m starting with the hot air, and then I’m going… — Jarod Kintz Balloon Copy Share Image
“There are going to be a lot of eyes on this year's annual Blindfold Convention. People always want to watch what they… — Jarod Kintz Blindfold Copy Share Image
“When 100 people in a room are all talking about me, is it called networking—or the benefits of cloning?” — Jarod Kintz Cloning Copy Share Image
“My car rides smooth like I’m driving a cloud. If I park it at your house, I may get rainwater on your… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to make it harder for people to achieve their dreams. A brick is just another obstacle they… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I made love to a woman who didn’t exist, and I can’t remember how it didn’t feel. It amazes me how often… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I say eek to Zeke Ekez, the imaginary palindrome politician of my dreams. He looks like me, talks like me, and thinks… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“My asshole smells like burnt firewood, and I’ve got firemen calling me. But I won’t answer, because my answer is no, they… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He has wisdom beyond his years. He’s 87-years-old, and he’s at least as wise as an 88-year-old.” — Jarod Kintz Wisdom Copy Share Image
“My clones just honored me with the 2012 Man of the Year Award. But I wasn’t fooled—I knew they were really honoring… — Jarod Kintz Clones Copy Share Image
“When I burp I’m not just pushing polluted air into the world—no, I’m espousing my belief on the true nature of politicians.” — Jarod Kintz Faith Copy Share Image
“I bought you a box of karate chops, but it could be dangerous to open it with a knife. And cats are… — Jarod Kintz Cats Copy Share Image
“I wear clothing made out of green screen material, because then I can go chameleon when I edit the photo. And chameleon… — Jarod Kintz Fashion Copy Share Image
“When someone I admire turns out to be a rather normal guy, I get offended because it’s an insult to my jealousy.” — Jarod Kintz Jealousy Copy Share Image
“I'm really going to freak out if I don't get into Histrionics 101. And if I get in, I'll also freak out.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I think the best time to launch an assault on a city would be not only in the middle of the night,… — Jarod Kintz Best time Copy Share Image
“If I were to hold up a bank with my index finger and my thumb as the “gun,” then I hope I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wish I had a crystal bowl to see into the future with. Every morning I would eat my cereal out of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I stitched an itch to my side. As far as surgeries go, I’m just barely scratching the surface.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to smother a fire—but not the fire that burns in my heart for you. Or perhaps that’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If given the choice, I’d take five ones over a five-dollar bill, because women prefer men with lots of money.” — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“It’s good if you think bad thoughts, because at least you’re thinking. That’s more than most people do.” — Jarod Kintz Bad thoughts Copy Share Image
“After dinner I told her I wouldn’t put away the plates, because I might cause an earthquake (plate tectonics).” — Jarod Kintz Dinner Copy Share Image
“Poison Ivy tastes like an itch when you have it on your tongue, and I’d say that love tastes the same, only… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I am a duck. I’m cool and calm on the surface, but underneath it all is a nonstop struggle to succeed. My… — Jarod Kintz Struggle Copy Share Image
“I think Starbucks would go out of business if more people were to Superglue their eyelids open when they felt tired.” — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“My advice is don’t take advice from anybody. This is good advice, and as such, it’s bad advice.” — Jarod Kintz Advice Copy Share Image
“If it’s not one thing, it’s another. The other thing is, of course, two. That makes the one thing love, because two… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I can’t remember the last time I had fun. Wait, yes I can. It was 1989, and I was wearing a t-shirt… — Jarod Kintz Communism Copy Share Image
“Karate, I get a real kick out of it. I would get a kick out of coffee, but I’ve got better ways… — Jarod Kintz Better way Copy Share Image
“I’ll steal the letter X, and replace it with treasure. So sex would then be spelled setreasure, but it’d still be just… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When somebody tells me they’ve had a bad day, I always respond in a somber voice, “Yes, I’ve had one of those… — Jarod Kintz Bad day Copy Share Image
“Bricks could be used like trophies. And if we give them to everyone, just for participating, then collectively we could build a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When the clock reads 3:00, I don’t call it three o’clock, I call it three hundred, and I remember the Spartans. At… — Jarod Kintz Spartans Copy Share Image
“A brick could be substituted in for Kansas as a US state, because they’re roughly the same shape, they have the same… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
