“Politicians give criminals a bad name. A bad name like a bad word like shit.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A telephone cord used to make an excellent leash on people. Now metal chains work better.” — Jarod Kintz Animal Copy Share Image
“I sent him a silent message with my body language, but he must be deaf—or, rather, blind.” — Jarod Kintz Body language Copy Share Image
“Attorney ethics is a contradiction in terms, and its nonexistence is well documented.” — Jarod Kintz Contradiction Copy Share Image
“I want to make enough money to buy an island. Something modest, like Australia.” — Jarod Kintz Island Copy Share Image
“18 rules for not getting caught. 1-17: don’t tell anybody. #18: not even your clone.” — Jarod Kintz Rules Copy Share Image
“I write down my dreams. I use the excuse “I’m writing” to sleep all the time.” — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“I don’t punch walls, because walls don’t punch back. I also don’t punch things that can and do punch back. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The only way I’ll ride a horse is if that horse is in a wheelchair, being pushed by a 99-year-old paraplegic.” — Jarod Kintz Horse Copy Share Image
“I gave him a pet name, even though he wasn’t my pet, he was my boss. I don’t know why he fired… — Jarod Kintz Boss Copy Share Image
“Maybe is such a gray response. It is the raincloud of answers, and if you say it too much I won’t Noah… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d love to create a personal profile on a dating site with a headline that reads, “Great Listener Seeks Mute Woman.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In my dream I woke up to realize I was tired and needed to go to sleep. Then I slowly remembered that… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“Hemingway suggested you write the truest sentence you know. I say write the falsest one you don’t know. This is fiction.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Don’t go on a ghost tour, because you won’t see a ghost. Well, you might. Maybe I have ghost blindness and can’t… — Jarod Kintz Ghost Copy Share Image
“When I think about my clone, random songs pop into my head. Songs like, “Happy Birthday.” Will he celebrate the same birthday… — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“When someone tells me they don’t read, I like to walk up to them and stroke their hair, pet it really, because… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My birthday is coming up. I was born on March 5th, 1982. Humans have come a long way since then—nearly 30 years,… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“A brick is used to label a missed shot in basketball. However, a better term to call a missed shot, or any… — Jarod Kintz Basketball Copy Share Image
“As we were walking home the other night, Orafoura turned to me and said, “Were you aware that there are places in… — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“I collect the most valuable thing in the world—free time. But unlike other priceless things, I don’t need a safe to keep… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. Our relationship faded from red to white, and somewhere in the middle, in the pink zone,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Blankets could be used to keep politicians warm, when we kick them all to the street. They’ll be warm, but they’ll be… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My eyes change color depending on my mood and what I’m wearing. If I’m wearing an acorn brown shirt, my eyes look… — Jarod Kintz Ex girlfriend Copy Share Image
“Have you ever wanted to learn Geometry, Calculus, Physics, German, and the mystical teachings of Orafoura? Well, now you can! Just not… — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to show you how to live a richer, fuller, more satisfying life. Don’t you want to have… — Jarod Kintz Atom bomb Copy Share Image
“A Letter to Andre Breton, Originally Composed on a Leaf of Lettuce With an Ink-dipped Carrot On my bed, my green comforter… — Jarod Kintz Berlin wall Copy Share Image
“Zebras are the lions of the animal world. I mean they would be, if lions weren’t already the lions of the animal… — Jarod Kintz Song Copy Share Image
“The Chair I’m writing to you, who made the archaic wooden chair look like a throne while you sat on it. Amidst… — Jarod Kintz Holy water Copy Share Image
“The kitten I got is black and white and has long hair. Really long hair (think Willie Nelson). I decided to call… — Jarod Kintz Black and white Copy Share Image
“Coaching is the only thing where the more someone else practices, the better you get. That’s my kind of hard work. People… — Jarod Kintz Coach Copy Share Image
