All Homer Quotes
- Now what is a wedding? Well, Webster's dictionary describes a wedding as the process of removing weeds from one's garden. Describes
- Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achille's heel, if you will. Achilles
- The internet wasn't created for mockery, it was supposed to help researchers at different universities share data sets. It was! Created
- If it doesn't have siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair. Fair
- You can't go wrong with cocktail weenies. They look as good as they taste. And they come in this delicious red sauce. It looks like… Brother
- Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate and, with the Internet and all, they practically raise themselves. All
- My wife's not some doobie to be passed around! I took a vow on our wedding day to bogart her for life. Bogart
- I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are. Age
- Don't mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers. Boy
- We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't… Academy
- You never know when an old calendar might come in handy! Sure, it's not 1985 right now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring? Bring
- I won't lie to you, fatherhood isn't easy like motherhood. Easy
- Money can be exchanged for goods and services! Exchanged
- Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted… Companionship
- Never throw a butcher knife in anger. Anger
- Be generous in the bedroom. Share your sandwich. Bedroom
- Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover. Lover
- When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces...I just know they're about to jab me with something. All
- Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep...in a giant blender. Blender
- It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day. Child
- They have the Internet on computers now? Computer
- I've always wondered if there was a God. And now I know there is -- and it's me. Always Wondered
- Blame the guy who doesn't speak Engish. Blame
- If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing. Funny
- This year I invested in pumpkins. They've been going up the whole month of October and I got a feeling they're going to peak right… Around January