All Garrison Keillor Quotes
- As for kissing on the first date, you should never date someone whom you would not wish to kiss immediately. Date
- Life is continuous. Life never stops. We come to the really great questions and before we can answer them, life has moved on to something… Answer
- Bravery and adventure! That's the ticket! Don't sit and gather moss. Get up, get out, do what you dream of doing, and if it doesn't… Adventure
- We have nearly complete misunderstanding between people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon, and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.… Along
- Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards, and we will go to great lengths to prove it. Experiments… All
- March is the month God created to show people who don't drink what a hangover is like. Created
- Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it! Divorce
- A man can't eat anger for breakfast and sleep with it at night and not suffer damage to his soul. Anger
- When writing loses touch with the beautiful surface of the world, it loses its way. You always want to be in touch with how things… Always Want
- There is almost no marital problem that can't be helped enormously by taking off your clothes. Clothes
- Dogs don't lie and why should I? Strangers come they growl and bark, they know their loved ones in the dark, Now let me, by… Bark
- You don't have to justify a beautiful stroke of good luck. Accept it. Smile and say thank you. Accept
- It is more worthy in the eyes of God . . . if a writer makes three pages sharp and funny about the lives of… American
- It's better to be burnished with use than rusty with principle. Action
- Childhood is the small town everyone came from. Came
- Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway. Funny
- English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say. Allows
- We thank you [the soldiers recently returned from the middle east] for your service. East
- Bad things don't happen to writers; it's all material. All
- ...opening up a newspaper is the key to looking classy and smart. Never mind the bronze-plated stuff about the role of the press in a… Bronze
- Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody. Everybody
- Every show is your last show. That's my philosophy. Every Show
- We English majors...need to promote public libraries as a tool in the war against terror. How many readers of Edith Wharton have engaged in terroristic… Acts
- My ancestors were Puritans from England. They arrived here in 1648 in the hope of finding greater restrictions than were permissible under English law at… America
- If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. Almost Always